The Firefly Chronicles

B is for Blessed

2012-01-20T06:11:00.000-08:00

We give blessings, ask for blessings, and proclaim something "blessed be." There are times when we feel especially blessed, and there are times when we don't feel so blessed. My understanding of a blessed moment/situation/life is that one is smiled down or looked with favor upon by the Fates, the universe, the divine, the gods, fortune, or whatever force influences the juxtaposition of one's place within the human existence. Whether or not we are blessed is an opinion of our relationship with the divine. Though we infer the intention of the divine, we never truly know what the divine intended. We don't really know if we are being smiled down upon by the gods. One person can walk away from a bad situation feeling blessed, while another person can walk away from that exact same bad situation feeling not so blessed (or worse--cursed, or that there are forcing working against them). The moral of my story is that we are all blessed if we just make a point to see the challenges, lessons, and gifts in every situation, even the bad ones.

It was our only free night to sit at home and relax this week. I had been in a hurry to pick up a quick dinner for two at the Whole Foods hot bar--when I lost my car keys. My car was locked and parked on a city street at least 20 minutes from home. I was carrying a bag full of groceries. It was freezing outside. My husband, who was at home waiting for dinner, got dressed and rushed to my location. After a total of five trips around the store, street, and looking in the car, the keys where nowhere to be found. It has one of those chips in it, so it would be $150 to $300 for the dealer to make a new key off the VIN number. That after I broke my glasses two days before, the same day we got our little princess cat fixed. Talk about expensive. We called roadside assistance for a tow truck. We sat in the store and ate our dinner together. Then, we walked across the street to the bookstore to wait out the truck. We both love books, but there is hardly any time to read with our busy schedules. We mused about how we would love more time to read. We waited back inside the grocery store for the tow truck, which we directed to my car around the side of the building. I utterly freaked out when I saw my car keys dangling from the driver-side door. In all likelihood, someone found them on the street, didn't know what to do with them, so they came back out to where they found them in hopes that the car they belonged to would be right there. And, sure enough, it was.

When Sean was on his way to meet me at the store, I had started to get upset, but that quickly passed. This experience of loosing my keys was a part of a challenge with a lesson. I needed to slow down. I needed to not get so worked up about food. It was a part of a plan that involved me not getting home on time, because that is what needed to happen for whatever reason. It was a part of a plan that really didn't involve me, but needed to put Sean, the tow truck driver, or the person who found my keys in that place. It was a part of an experience that I had to have to gain knowledge for another challenge I would face in the future. It was the universe conspiring to give me and my husband a simple night out. We took that date night with pleasure. After a moment, I was no longer upset, because I was truly blessed.

This post is a part of the Pagan Blog Project. Check out #PaganBlogProject for a list of other articles for this week.

Move Even When It Hurts

2012-01-12T10:03:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm thinking of the times when we tell ourselves that we hurt and we should take it easy. I fell pretty hard on my bum a few weeks ago, and massive pain started echoing in my upper back last week. Well, I was stretching every few days (attempting to stretch daily), I was trying to do the Five Tibetans from the Firefly Fitness class, and I was trying to keep up with my workout. I was feeling all right until the two days I didn't stretch, do the Five Tibetans, or workout at all. I felt horrible. The pain in my back was astounding. In fact, when I don't do the routines, my wrists start to ache over time, my knees start to ache over time, and I just start to feel old. When I am continually stretching, working out, and moving, I look and feel so much better.

Firefly's Sean Bennett says something to the effect that we start to age when we stop moving. That when we stop moving, we start to die. The routines that Sean does daily are important to him, because he says that we often don't move our muscles in these different ways. He stretches daily, including his face and eye muscles. I didn't realize until I joined in just how many muscles in our face we don't move on a regular basis! Scrunch your whole face towards your nose for 8 seconds, and tell me that you don't feel places that were stagnant for awhile. Our muscles start to tense up, and when they do, that makes us look and feel old. It doesn't matter if we're not good at it. Over time, our muscles start to loosen up. What is important is that we make a commitment to do something everyday. Combinations of working out, stretching, the Five Tibetans, yoga, massage, energy work/healing, and acupuncture, are all methods that he's commented to me help loosen the body up and keep us young.

I really feel like if I make sure to keep up with the stretching, Five Tibetans, and working out routines that I will be able to heal my back more effectively. It's sure a hell of a lot better than sitting here in constant pain like I was a few days ago. Couple that with regular massage as well as visits to the chiropractor and I could likely find healing without mainstream medicine and drugs. Now, that's a method that's consistent with my spiritual beliefs.

We don't have to choose to be old. So, for this year, let's all make a commitment to movement, and through that movement, the reclaiming of our health and youthfulness.

So, a Virgo, a Libra, and a Leo all live together in one house...

2011-12-11T12:00:00.000-08:00

I always feel the most comfortable at home when the house is in Virgo order. I haven't cared in the past few years about the order of the house, because I wasn't flowing with life. But, since moving into Chez Sean, my OCD Virgo living tendencies have come out of the woodwork in full swing. I really believe that in understanding our personalities and other people's personalities formed by nature and nurture and communicating our needs, we can have better relationships with our partners and our roommates.

So, back to this notion of the house being in Virgo order...

That means that every speck of dirt that I see is either wiped clean or scolded for existing. Couldn't that dirt have manifested outside? I need to find the deities for cleanliness. The laundry is done and soon to be put away. It might be a little wrinkled, and I might be sitting on it while writing this blog, but it will still be perfect, because I did it. The bed will be made just as soon as I hit publish. The dishes from the two-course meal served to nine folks at the full Moon ritual last night are mostly finished and put away. It only took three loads in the dishwasher and countless scrubbing. The counter is spotless, and if anyone puts another glass on the sink (instead of in the dishwasher) within 10 minutes of my walking away, they will get a sigh and a dirty look as I put it in it's proper place. This is Virgo order. Everything is clean and everything has a place that it currently resides in. There is perfection. Total order.

But, that's not the nature of the Libran. The house is in order for Libra when it is full of merry faces, each one of them sharing a wonderful plated meal. Everyone has a drink in hand. Conversation is jolly, and everyone is having a grand time.

Then, there is our Leo roommate. I was talking about Virgo and Libra house order, and we talked about what Leo order of the house would be. She said that that house was in Leo order when she was in a velvet track suit and everyone was waiting on her hand and foot. Yes, this is true to Leo form.

Being on the cusp of Leo, I am very social, so I love when the house is in Libran order. Our friends are happy and smiling when they are with us. What helps me the most is that everyone in the house allows me to be OCD Virgo when I want to be. And, I do not expect the entire house to be OCD Virgo with me. I was born with these tendencies, and as long as I use them in a productive way instead of a way that demeans and belittles people for not living up to my standards of perfection. Don't worry, the Virgo is always the most critical about his/herself.

The point here being that our personal tendencies in our living situation can be highly influenced by our astrological signs. This as well as by how we were nurtured, the way we developed, and our environment growing up. Understanding how the energy of the planets affect us individually helps us understand why we act and react the way we do in various situations. This can help us overcome problems that might stop us from having deeper relationships.

Saying Goodbye to the Firefly Covenstead

2011-12-11T07:23:00.001-08:00

It's common for folks to move around before they truly settle down. The places that we live become magical havens for our work. They don't have to be just our physical homes, but can become our spiritual homes as well. On Friday, my coven said goodbye to it's first spiritual home. Even though I was clammering to move out of that apartment and into my new, amazing life, the coven was a little shocked that we were leaving our home. It is probably something close to 50 rituals that we’ve held in that space. All in all, we hosted hundreds of events there. We've done so much bonding and made so much magick there. Our forming and storming were done within those walls. We made new friends and grew our family.

The Firefly DC Pagan Meetup was formed October 19, 2007. It started out as a coffee chat. We held our first ritual on Friday, January 8, 2009 at the Cleveland Park Library, and then hopped around to area libraries doing lunar rituals for a few months. I moved into an apartment in April of 2009 with the intention of holding rituals and events there for the Firefly DC Meetup and the Coven of the Spiral Moon. Then, on May 8, 2009, we held the first ritual at the Firefly Covenstead---duringthe Flower Moon. In July of 2009, the Coven of the Spiral Moon started holding closed lunar rituals, and the meetup transitioned to public sabbats with Lughnassadh.

Now, it is time to norm. We have grown up, and it’s time to leave the comforting nest. To go into uncharted territory. We’ve gone through coven grade school, andit’s time to go off to coven college. Itis time to challenge our relationships with one another to grow in an even moredynamic way. We spoke about our favorite memories in that apartment. Many of our favorite memories were little or big ordeals that we went through together and came out on the other side of together.

Our intention Friday was to honor this rite of passage for our coven. To say goodbye to our first home and to embrace Firefly’s new home of the DC Pagan community center. We asked the divine to help us through this transition. We read the original blessing from the Covenstead done in March of 2010, and then we released my old apartment of it's ties to our circle.

So mote it be.

Handfasting Revisited

2011-11-26T04:47:00.001-08:00

A handfasting, for the purpose of what I'm going to go on about today, is basically a Pagan wedding. I talked a lot about handfasting in 2008 in Episode 60 and Episode 61 of The Firefly Chronicles Podcast.

One of the most compelling abilities of eclectic Paganism is how we're able to mold and shape it around our lives. We decide our personal purpose behind participating in a ritual, and we can craft rituals around important moments in our lives. In American society, weddings are performed by an officiant, whether they are also legal contracts or not. But, in Pagan religions, it is often perfectly acceptable to perform our own ceremonies, even those marking the most special times in our lives.

So, on the New Moon last night, Sean Bennett and I were handfasted. We cast a circle and called the quarters in the general Order of Bards, Ovates, and Druids style. We spoke of our intention, the things that brought us together, and the things that make us a strong team:

1. To live a shared life.
2. To lead a deeply spiritual life.
3. To share our happiness with others.
4. To be content and at peace together.
5. To build strength in the Pagan community.
6. To encourage other people to live their own best lives.
7. To live long and healthy lives.
8. To build a spiritual and loving family.
9. To explore the opportunity to start our own successful business.
10. To engage in charity throughout our lives.

We talked extensively about what these specific intentions really mean to us. When it comes to leading a deeply spiritual life, I mentioned that this meant to me that we weren't just talking about what we'd like to do, but we needed to do it. I used the example of our handfasting ritual. We had known immediately after Samhain that we wanted to get married. We set a date for a public ceremony in September 2012, and then planned to legalize it as soon as possible (likely January). But, we already felt like we were married, and we wanted a way to solidify it or make it official. Instead of just talking about it, we went ahead and handfasted ourselves. This was something I often failed at in my own spiritual practice. A lot of spiritual work was done every day in the in between moments that appeared in life. I wasn't setting aside time to focus and do the work I wanted to do.

We exchanged rings, talking about what these rings symbolize. We used a magickal brick that Stella Maris made from David Salisbury's Witches' Lightning potion to write out a word that summarizes all of our intentions: Love.

Lesson Learned: Don't Ignore the Universe

2011-11-24T11:09:00.001-08:00

In the wee hours of October 30th, I connected with my soulmate. It was soul-shatteringly wonderful. In an instant, my previous life was frozen in memory, and my new life exploded into a three dimensional tapestry of vibrant possibilities. This monumental event flowed as naturally as a bubbling brook. Fitting, because I believe our connection signified an alignment with the natural flow of Universal energy.

It was unfortunate that the realization of the inevitability of this new relationship occurred while in the midst of an existing relationship. I paused, then, delaying the certainty of pain my admission would cause. I didn't, couldn't, wait long, however. When I told my girlfriend of my feelings for Iris, tears, confusion, and sadness followed. Many other people are faced with similar situations, and many other people choose to avoid this type of pain. Of course, they trade one pain for another. This was one time in my life where I felt the pull of the Universe and I listened. Within the context of love, one cannot commit while longing for another.

In hindsight, I should have known that Iris was my soulmate. There were countless signs. Not long after meeting her, I walked her back to her apartment with some friends following close behind. We had just returned from an awesome Pagan Night Out, and we needed to recuperate for a bit. When we arrived, Iris announced that she had to lay down for a nap. Smiling, I helped her fall (literally) into bed. And then... I acted without thought. I pulled the blankets up to her chin and tucked her in, saying "I will always be here for you." I didn't know where the words came from, but I knew they were true. And the accompanying feelings were just as true, but I buried them. Although I hadn't used the word "love" in my mind, the feeling was the same. And since Iris was, at the time, in a committed relationship, I made a conscious choice to be only a friend. In time, I forgot about that feeling, believing Iris and I had a purely spiritual connection. Even so, our shared path through life brought us ever closer.

And now, happiness permeates everything. I feel as if this experience is an incredible, priceless gift. And underscoring my gratefulness, is the conviction that I cannot take it for granted. I'm both excited and content to dedicate myself to building up the Pagan community, hand in hand with my soulmate. Universe: I promise not to ignore the flow, anymore.

Listen to the Universe

2011-11-23T07:35:00.001-08:00

It was Sunday, October 23rd, which was just six days before the DC Witches' Ball. I was taking a break from prepping for the gala with a bottle of wine, a frozen dinner, and the premiere of the new ABC show Once Upon a Time. The plot surrounds Snow White and Prince Charming and how the Evil Queen stole their happily ever after and made it into her own. It made me realize that I had forgotten about the notion of happily ever after. I wondered where my happily ever after had gone. I didn't think it would ever come.

I was in what I thought was a happy relationship with the man I thought I was going to marry down the road when he finished pharmacy school and established himself. We met while working at the TV station I've been working at for more than five years. He wasn't Pagan, and he no longer came to Pagan events whether I organized them or not. He was a great guy and as supportive as he could stand to be. He listened to me talk about my work, but he didn't want to be near the Pagans. I couldn't blame him after all the times he was asked to be the sober person to help me take the drunk Pagans home around the corner from the event. Or, after all of the meltdowns he witnessed from people who came into my life through my work as an organizer.

You see, I was dying inside. Though I was in a relationship, I was so alone. I was drowning in obligation. I felt like I gave so much of myself to others, but everyday was a struggle for me to get through. I do very well for what I do in television, but was still drowning in the constant realization that I didn't have enough money to make it living as an adult on my own. I couldn't see how to get out of that place. I couldn't turn to my partner for help. The world was becoming greyer and I cared less and less about the future. I had basically given up on my life. I didn't know what would become of me.

I was praying for someone to save me. I was praying for a spiritual partner who would love to share my work. I was praying for a life partner with whom I could take the next step in life and become a safe and secure family. These are prayers that I had said for years. I would rush onto the next thing, wanting relief, and feel this overwhelming urge to fall to my knees in the grass and cry out to the Goddess, the Great Mother, the Universe for help.

So, when I sat and watched the premiere of Once Upon a Time, I wondered what happened to my happily ever after.

That week, I drank a lot of wine to get through the stress of feeling so alone preparing for the DC Witches' Ball. Things needed bought, things needed made, printing needed to be done, organization needed to happen. After a seven hour set up and so many things gonig wrong, we packed up the event and got out onto the dance floor. I got through it with the smiling faces of my friends. They tried to make sure that I ate and got enough wine to drink. All in all, the event was a success, and so many people seemed to have fun.

One of those smiling friends was Sean Bennett. I met Sean when he walked into a Firefly Wicca 3 class at my apartment during the first week of October in 2009. We parted ways for a bit in 2010, but reconnected at the beginning of this year. From that point on, we were thick as thieves. We worked together in Firefly DC Pagan meetup, with the DC Order of Bards Ovates and Druids, as the kids coordinators of the Northern Virginia Pagan Pride Day, and as governors of the Open Hearth Foundation. After the beginning of October, a bunch of us started hanging out and playing board games on Sunday nights.

After everyone else had left the Witches' Ball after party in the OHF suite, Sean and I sat talking on the couch. We had shared a tipsy, but dazzling couple of dances on the floor during the event, and a tipsy Iris held Sean's hand at the after party. While chatting on the couch, Sean expressed concern that our friends had seen us holding hands.

It just came out of my mouth as if I was stating a well-known fact. "Well, we know that I have feelings for you, and you have feelings for me."

But, I didn't consciously know that he had feelings for me. And, I didn't consciously know that I had feelings for him. Verbalizing those feelings blew open the flood gates. We talked about how it was obvious to us and everyone else that he and I were spiritually connected. We wanted the exact same things from life. We talked about what a life together would be like. He stayed in the hotel room until 6:30am, not wanting to leave, but knowing that he couldn't stay with me. We both had significant others that we would be unfaithful to if he stayed the night. We exchanged a kiss that ripped through my body. He asked me for time to do the work necessary, and promised it would all work out in the end. I begged him to stay, knowing that if he left, I couldn't be the woman with feelings for him tomorrow. I was a woman who had a great long-term boyfriend that she had promised she would never leave again.

But, the next morning, my heart was tearing itself apart. I knew without a doubt that Sean was my soulmate. I hadn't believed that soulmates were real until that day. My mind, body, and spirit burned for him. I couldn't find the place in my heart where I loved my boyfriend. It was in the process of burning away with the fire set the night before. Everything had changed. I had just woken up from a long, sad sleep. It became obvious over the next couple of days that we couldn't stay away from each other. That it hurt to be apart from the person who made our spirit glow so brightly.

We were going back in our heads through all of these moments where the Universe had conspired to get us together, to show us our connection. We had spent so much time either trying to get closer to be near the other or trying to stay away in fear of our feelings being obvious. We both suppressed these feelings of needing to be near the other, feeling connected to the other, but did not allow them to be fully realized. So many decisions, actions, and reactions were made with the other in mind. It was blatantly obvious that I hadn't seen what the Universe put right in front of me.

The Universe had answered all of my prayers. My happily ever after consists of spending every moment I can with Sean, living in a spiritual home, working everyday to instill the greatest level of health in our lives. It is a life full of laughter and passion. It is a shared life where our purpose in life is the same. It includes building community, helping other people be happy, meeting the needs of other people, and serving the community. It is a life where we are both contributing to a stable, happy, and spiritual family.

But, there was a price. We both had to cause pain in two very good people's lives. We did everything we could to be honest and faithful to them while we prayed for them to result in peace and happiness despite the pain we would cause them. So many times, people take what they think is the easy road--staying with their partners out of obligation, but putting themselves in a position to be unfaithful. There's no easy way to be honest and true in a situation like this. There is just being honest and true. It's hard and it hurts everyone, but it's easier for everyone in the long run.

The spiritual lessons in all of this are profound. When we are on the path we are supposed to be, so many things fall into place. We vibrate happily and fully with our universal potential. It is so much easier to work within the universal flow than against it. There is always hope in the moments where we feel the most lost. There are forces at work beyond our comprehension or understanding. Getting to the right path often includes many challenging decisions and work, and it will be hard and painful now or destructive and devastating when pushed off to later. Happily ever after does exist.

Scrying in my Coffee?

2011-10-19T06:40:00.000-07:00

I was slamming down the last of my coffee before running out the door to work, a minute or two late, as usual. As I took my last gulp, I noticed that the espresso grounds at the bottom had made a picture. I immediately started to gaze. I saw people, lots of people, marching towards me. But, I am above them or off to the side. They are passionate and they are intent on coming. I reflect on who they could be, and I have some clues, but I am not sure if I know yet.

I have worked with tasseography, scrying in tea leaves, but I thought I was a nut about this coffee scrying. I googled coffee scrying, and I was surprised to find some folks who wrote about it.

An Account of a Psyconautic

Scrying the Secrets of the Future

A picture of a different kind of coffee scrying: http://www.flickr.com/photos/28687846@N03/5692795026/

Samhain with the Seedgroup of the Oak and Eagle

2011-10-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, October 16, the Seedgroup of the Oak and Eagle celebrated Samhain in the tradition of the Order of the Bards, Ovates, and Druids. When I arrived at the host's home, people were already clamoring around the kitchen cooking. We wound up with a wonderful spread of pies, cakes, soup, and more. Our hosts, Sean and Jessy, had decorated for the season.

We moved to the back deck to partake in the Samhain ritual, which took time to honor our ancestors. Some of us remembered and honored those we never met and those human ancestors that make up our heritages. Others remembered and honored people in their lives who had passed on, which included long-cherished memories, as well as fresh ones of those who just recently passed.

I reflected on the memory of my grandmother. She did not use well her gifts of having a strong will, her determination, her ability to work hard and do well, and her desire to keep her family close to her. I realize that I have inherited some of those qualities, and I have tried to make a conscious effort to use them well. And, I honored my Revolutionary War ancestors, as they continue to play an influence in my life through my involvement in Daughters of the American Revolution.

After the ritual, we bust out the food, and we engage in some Eisteddfod. Eisteddfod is where we each take turns sharing poems, stories, art, music, etc. I usually read a poem, but I sometimes bring my flute. We had all sorts of sharings as usual. Someone shared a shadow box she made that was inspired by the full moon. We had a belly dancer perform for us. We had several poems and a story. We had some pictures that were taken in Japan.

Unbeknownst to me until recently, we started our own tradition of the "Book of Shame." Apparently, most Druid groups don't do this. Well actually, I think that we ganked it from Nuallan's Coffeehouse and Eisteddfod, Nuallan having hosted a huge bardic night and if someone didn't bring something to share, they had to read out of the Book of Shame. We took that concept and ran with it. We've had readings from My Little Pony to Goodnight Moon, and then a story of a duck that didn't want to get smack on the behind, so it got lost from it's family for a bit. Our standard book of shame is Dr. Seuss tongue twisters. So, make sure to bring something to share, or it will be tongue twisters for you!

And, sometimes, our stories prompt a little video sharing. We watched the Rap Battle between Dr Seuss and William Shakespeare. We also watched the German industrial dancers going at it to polka music.

Enjoy This Moment

2011-10-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

Here in Arlington, Virginia, the air is changing. It is doing this spiral dance from summer to fall. The rain has been out of control, and it seems as if we have not had a dry weekend in months. There have been moments this week, in between the rain storms, where the air is just perfect. It is crisp and clean. It smells of sweet autumn. The leaves have begun to change, and the storms are knocking them to the ground. As I step-step-step, I feel as if I am in a play place. The air is the perfec temperature, and it moves this way and that. There are these moments outside that are so glorious, they fill me with joy. We remember the weather that was of summer and the weather that will soon be of winter, but we enjoy this moment here.

Pagans, PR and Politics

2011-08-29T12:52:00.000-07:00

Pagan leaders, event organizers, teachers, and others can find themselves in a position where their public image and relationships are built on every sentence they say. Leaders don't have the luxury of saying whatever they want to say, because they spend years building relationships and community. One rant can destroy all of that. Many folks live in a Pagan world where every blog, every FB post, every tweet, every comment, every like, every sentence that comes out of their mouths in public is a part of their image. So, while some Pagans feel that they have the right to free speech and the right to say whatever they want to say about others, there are many of us who leave criticisms about others out of the public arena.

Antagonism has taken the Pagan community by storm. I see it all over the place. In many respects, there are two groups of people online: the people who keep quiet when they don't agree, in order not to offend or tear down others, and the people who say whatever they want to say, even when it cuts down other people. I wrote earlier about antagonists in the form of unhealthy people in reference to folks who come into Pagan groups and keep causing conflicts and problems. But, this is different. These aren't people who are necessarily unhealthy and always going to cause problems. These are folks who are a part of the internet, these vast interwebs that have changes our lives, and they have decided that it is okay to say whatever they feel, including the things that are rude and unkind. They do not choose to keep their mouths closed when they do not have something nice to say, and they do not choose to phrase their comments in a way that would not be offensive.

While antagonists who understand what their words do to people will tell you that they tear down the inadequate to help build a stronger base, that is not true. They tear down people who are actually doing work in the Pagan community, people who get tired of the criticisms and stop doing the work. And, many times, this is by people who are not doing the work themselves. These comments tear down people with skills, talents, and abilities that their authors themselves do not have. And, what for? To make themselves feel better?

When television chef and whole foods authority Christina Pirello asked in her blog on huffingtonpost.com, "Has the internet made it too easy to be mean?" my answer is YES!

A daily read of any website, including this one, reveals an ugly side of America. No matter what the topic, be it politics, celebrity gossip, healthy living or food, a quick review of the comments posted by readers is a sad commentary on who some of us have become, and how the Internet has made it so much easier to say mean, harsh and inappropriate things without consequence.

I first noticed it on Meetup.com. Organizers, who feel like they are customers and thus have rights in the system, constantly degrade the Meetup.com staff when changes are made or the site doesn't run as they see fit. Many (not all) organizers feel as if they can say anything they want to the staff, as if they can bend the staff into doing what they want. Here is a recent example of comments that are just really mean and uncalled for. As an example of one of hundreds of mean comments I have seen over the years (I look once a year at the forums), one organizer commented:

The decision to eliminate that option was just plain STUPID. Since when is the sudden removal of useful features considered a good way of doing business?

These comments get harsher when a change is just rolled out. As with any unique, online business, I am sure that it takes massive coding to make even the smalleset change in the platform, and that the staff at Meetup.com wants organizers and participants to be happy.

In response to a range of comments on blogs and Facebook antagonizing the Sacred Path Center's media mistake, board member CJ Stone commented on PNC-Minnesota. This in an attempt to communicate that SPC was doing everything it could to be honest and fix problems.

...what’s the right way to handle finding out you made mistakes? Cover them up, or talk about them in the open? SPC is a corporation operated in the public interest. Is it in the public interest to spackle over everything, or should they say what the problems are and fix them? Should they take the money and run, or should they come out and say what has to be said? And if people think it looks like a dog and pony show, should SPC stop leveling with people, or should they keep leveling and expect people to get a grip and see what’s really going on?

Sacred Path Center had been trying to announce that they were closing temporarily to do an internal audit, but stated that they were "closed indefinitely."

The point in all of this is that it is not okay to splay a dissenting opinion in a rude and inappropriate way in public. And, often times, posting dissenting opinions will change relationships (online and offline relationships). It's not just about our freedom to criticize and question, but about the fact that everything we say builds or destroys relationships. Sure, go ahead and post dissenting opinions in public, but you won't be my real friend. I won't hold a high opinion of you when you come up in conversations with my real friends while we dine and chat. And, depending on how you've changed our relationship with your dissenting or rude comments, I will likely unfriend you on Facebook, I will no longer follow your blog, and I will stop following you on Twitter.

And yes, I am dissenting the dissenters. It took me two months to get up the gaul to write this, because I didn't want to offend anyone. But, I strongly feel that we need to talk about this and communicate that this behavior is not okay to in an effort to encourge a stronger Pagan community to develop. It is my hope that the Pagan community will grow in a positive way through encouragement and move into a place where we can leave the antagonism behind.

Fighting for Freedom in the Spirit of American Indepedence

2011-07-04T12:34:00.000-07:00

I urge you on this Independence Day to make a commitment to take action to defend rights of all people who practice all religions in the U.S., especially Pagans. Visit the Pagan campaign for Patrick McCollum's case: http://www.pagancivilrights.org/

Today is America's birthday. It is a celebration of the day in 1776 when many of our Founding Fathers signed the Declaration of Independence. It was not the beginning nor the end of the Revolutionary War. It was one of the most defining moments in a whole process. The moment when these patriots signed a letter to England that basically said to kiss off, that we were going our own way.

I headed out the door this morning at 5:40am to check in for my first volunteer work shift at Miriam's Kitchen. The sun was just starting to rise. Starbucks wasn't open yet, because it was a holiday. In fact, I had to turn around and head back to my car, because the metro was on weekend schedule. I had set out on a beautiful morning in the breeze. Full of promise. My morning consisted of connecting homeless men with donated clothes, shoes, and tioletries. Homeless people here are often veterans, as well as those with mental diabilities or addiction problems. It filled my spirit and made my heart heavy to connect people in need with supplies and resources.

The people who first settled here are often described as outcasts, people who wanted freedom, and people who wanted new opportunitiy. We imagine that the patriots who fought and/or supported the Revolutionary War had attitude. They had passion. They believed in American independence, and would do whatever it took to secure it. It would take a lot of guts to fight a war based on percieved wrongs. The founding documents spoke of the freedom of religion, of speech, of the press, to bare arms, and more. This country was founded upon the principles of justice for all.

We sit idly by while so much injustice goes on in our lives. Sometimes we ignore the world, sometimes we look past the people who need help, and sometimes we just lie to ourselves. We fail to take responsibility for upholding our own liberty as the Founding Fathers of this country did. We think that this country's leaders are the ones who make those decisions about justice and liberty. We think that the courts are mechanisms that only deliver justice. Just as we think that the police always act justly. Or that our government officials serve us instead of steal from us.

But, we can all be people who take action. We just need to see what needs to be done and then do it. And, we do the most harm when we fail to act. When we see what needs to be done, and we do not act, we do greater harm. Sure, it's risky. You might get hurt. But, the harm done when we fail to act is greater.

The Pagan community might not have asked Patrick McCollum to take up the employment discrimination fight in the Califorina prison system. But, he did, because he saw over and over what needed to be done, and he acted. As echoed by Wade at a workshop on Pagan prison ministry, when the Pagans in prison get out and see what the Pagan community really is, they scoff at us. It's not easy for them to practice their religion in prison, and when they get out and see that those of us who can freely practice it are actually taking our freedom for granted, they don't want anything to do with us.

And now, the Pagan community inside and out of the prisons are being oppressed and discriminated against, and this struggle has taken a wrong turn that affects our whole community. Not only did the court not hear Patrick McCollum's appeal, but the court preemptively ruled that employment discrimination based on religion was okay across the board as long as a company wrote up a bona fide occupational qualification. They also agree that Patrick, as a Wiccan, wasn't qualified to minister to people of other faiths, because he was a Wiccan. But, those other faiths can minister to Pagans. The California Department of Corrections and Reabilitation, along with the 9th Circuit Court, have basically said to the Pagan community that no, we don't have the same right to the freedom of religion.

Patrick's official statement on the ruling from his website:

“The employment discrimination ruling is especially disturbing and is one that all religious people should be worried about, not only Pagans. It creates precedent that gives the state the power to discriminate on the basis of religion for chaplain jobs, for example chaplains in prisons, hospitals, the veterans’ administration, and the military. The court ruled that the state could choose to prefer some religions over others, even when (as the defendants in my case admitted and the court noted) those religions are chosen for no reason at all – are not based on any criteria."

We're in a whole lot of trouble down the road if this ruling is not thrown out. And, Patrick can't do that without our help. He needs money to continue the fight without loosing everything. And, we need to start making people aware of what is going on in the prisons. Pagan prisoners are being denied the resources, clergy services, and religious services that other faiths get, and these prisoners are being treated differently because of their religion. Many prisons operate as if the outside world doesn't care what goes on in there. And, that's been true for way too long. These are people, like you and me, who for one reason or another commited crimes (some of them heinous) that landed them in prison, and religion is supposed to help us grow past our mistakes. Starhawk also spoke of her experience visiting prisons with Patrick earlier this year.

I came home after listening to Patrick McCollum's stories for nearly a week realizing that I had to act. Realizing that we heard things we couldn't repeat, things so gut wrenching that I give my service to this cause in full force, and realizing that the other members of the Pagan media felt that their role was only to report statements made. However, in the spirit of my ancestors, who were patriots during the American Revolution, I cannot turn away when I see what needs to be done. Patrick expressed his need for donations, letters written, and action taken.

And, while trouble has brewed here at home, Patrick is constantly working towards bridging peace in the world. He has been given high honors by leaders of other religions as a Pagan. He is preparing to board the Peace Ship, a UN project, in Siberia with other world leaders. His work is so important globally. Because of the importance of this work he does around the globe, he does not have the time to advocate for himself in the way he needs advocating. I made it my mission to raise the money that he needs so that he does not loose himself in this battle, as well as drum up prayers and support.

I wrote last month about the word "Pagan" being a collective bargaining agreement. I had no idea that we would need to use it to negotiate so soon. So, we all need to show up. Every Pagan needs to shake off that security blanket and do what needs to be done. Donate, write letters, pray, hold vigils, hold rallies. If we fail to act here, we will do more damage than we realize on the surface. In the spirit of the Founding Fathers, who fought for freedom, let the Pagan community take action.

Missed the Memo: Are we only the 2nd generation?

2011-07-02T20:27:00.000-07:00

We talk about Paganism being partially the reclaiming of the spirituality of our ancestors. We feel that it's old. Much older than us. Much older than the United States. Much older than other religions. But, At Pagan Spirit Gathering last week, the conversations reminded us that as far as the organized practice of Wicca and other Pagan religions go in the U.S., this is likely only our second generation.

Patrick McCollum spoke of the elders who were there when decisions were made about our modern practices. An example that he gave was the origin of the four elements: Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. It was a long week, and I cannot exactly remember the story Patrick told, but it was something akin to when the four elements were combined, they became the basic unit of life itself. His point was to reiterate rumblings from Pantheacon (that I saw at least from both T. Thorn Coyle and Peter Dybing) that we needed to interview our elders and to just record their stories, because when they die, pieces of our origins will disappear with them. He gave the example of late elder Isaac Bonewits.

And, that shocked me a little. I started practicing in 1998 and there were stories about our ancestors and the Burning Times. I was just in a small coven that was no where near being the first coven. There were covens in the U.S. and in the U.K. long before us. And, covens in Italy long before that. But, conversations last week caused me to realize that we're really just the 2nd generation of organized Pagans in the U.S. The people who were involved with the beginning of this new movement of witchcraft are likely still around.

We learn from scratch. We're called to this path. We work with what we've got, sometimes making it up as we go along based on our experiences. And, it make me wonder how silly some of us look talking about things as if we really know what we're talking about. This when the people who pulled these concepts into Paganism are still very much kicking.

Moral of the story: we do need to start recording these stories of our elders.

Coming Home from PSG

2011-06-30T10:12:00.000-07:00

I returned home from Pagan Spirit Gathering at 1am on Monday morning. My heart was heavy, yet lifted.

I participated in the PSG Media Camp, representing The Firefly Chronicles. With me were Star Foster from Pagan Portal at Patheos.com, Cara Schultz from the Minnesota Bureau of the Pagan Newswire Collective, and Dave Grega of the Pagan Centered Podcast. There were other members of the Pagan media camping in other places around our little village.

I had the privilege to teach two classes. I gave a reprise of Lunar Explosion: Moon Magick class, as well as debuted a class about Video Production for Pagan Media.

I attended many wonderful classes that have already helped me take my path further. This included interfaith work, Pagan prison ministry, and end-of-life care. As our administrators and teachers deepen our knowledge and experience, we bring that to you. But a festival such as PSG has so many classes and activities to offer, the choices are really endless. At least two dozen classes are offered each day, and it's sometimes hard to choose which ones to attend.

I attended two rituals, though I wish I had the energy and time for more. The opening ritual was incredible. PSG has a new home at Stonehouse Park this year, and the ritual space is an actual grove. Several hundred people packed around the bonfire, chanting and singing, listening to spoken word from many different paths, and then lighting several hundred sparklers. Looking up at the glittering sparklers through the trees to the sunset was an amazing sight.

I also attended a Redneck Ritual put on in part by a couple of gals from the DC Pagan community. Get R Done! (instead of So Mote It Be) was the theme. Here is a full report from DC-PNC: http://www.capitalwitch.com/2011/06/dc-community-members-at-pagan-spirit.html

And, I spent a lot of time listening to the stories of Patrick McCollum, Circle Sanctuary minister and Wiccan elder. Patrick's work in the interfaith realm has stopped wars and earned Pagans a seat at the major interfaith table. Patrick's travels and work are so important for Pagans and humanity in general. At the very least, read his blog about his travels. For more information: http://www.patrickmccollum.org/

Patrick is also currently involved in a court case that started out about religious discrimination in prisons, but has taken a turn for the worst. The June 2011 court ruling against Patrick and the way the judges wrote the opinion, their decision has the potential to cause major employment problems for Pagans. It was a cut and dry case of religious discrimination, but the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation as well as the 9th Circuit Court have done their best to make sure that the evidence has not been heard. For more information or to find out what you can do to help protect our religious freedom: http://www.pagancivilrights.org

Those of us who do video were called to record some of the most special moments of the festival. Selena Fox and Dennis Carpenter renewed their vows on Summer Solstice as a part of their 25th anniversary celebration. Two members of the Circle Sanctuary community were ordained as ministers. And, there are always multicultural performances, ritual elements, and workshops.

If you haven't attended Pagan Spirit Gathering, it is most certainly an event worth traveling across the country for. Nearly one thousand folks from all over the country (and some from overseas) attended this festival. And, it's not really camping, it was more of "glamping" as Star Foster called it. Star and Cara Schultz made many gourmet meals, and our camp was well-fed. And, maybe we could have a little Firefly camp in future years! For more information: http://www.circlesanctuary.org/psg/

What should Patrick McCollum do?

2011-06-21T12:20:00.001-07:00

Weigh in on the Facebook event: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/event.php?eid=113107475446927

If you are reading this blog, you are most likely connected to other online Pagan media outlets, and have heard of the legal battle of Patrick McCollum. Patrick held a special press conference at Pagan Spirit Gathering. And while he could have spoken with the Associated Press first, he wanted to let the Pagan media report on what he had to say. This because his legal fight is not about getting a paid job. In fact, he quit a job that paid twice as much as the prison chaplain job would pay just to take on this case. Instead, Patrick's struggles are about ensuring that all Pagans have the same rights as other faiths.

The court says that a chaplain of one of the Five Faiths is qualifed to meet the needs of the Pagans, but a Pagan chaplain wouldn't be able to meet the needs of the other faiths. The discrimination that Pagans and Pagan chaplains have faced is immense. The court is willing to bend the law, take into consideration false testimony, and destroy documents to make their case.

Patrick does have standing. In the summary judgment, the court said that he had standing, but his case could only be heard if the inmates had exhausted the grievance process. The State says that the inmates did not exhaust the grievance process, but Patrick stated that they forged and destroyed thousands of documents that illustrated that they had exhausted the grievance process. The 9th Circuit Court went against the U.S. Supreme Court in the standing issue. Most of what was considered in the ruling was a very small number of documents, even though there are more than 60,000 documents in the case.

The State took into consideration evidence that the Five Faiths meet the needs of the minority faiths, including Pagans, that was invalid. They said that they had done a study that concluded Pagans didn't need the services of a chaplain, but that the Five Faiths, the study showed that they did have those needs. The state admited to commiting perjury. They admitted that they never did a study to evaluate what the needs of Pagan prisoners are, or to evaluate whether any of the Five Faiths actually need services. The court is not allowed to take into consideration evidence or testimony to make it's ruling at this stage in the game, and yet they quote it in their ruling.

The court transposer mixed up the hearings and commented that evidence was presented at a type of hearing that allowed the court to make a judgement. But, in fact, that hearing never took place, and the court ruled out of turn. This means that Patrick could move to have the case thrown out and retried.

The court has made judgements on incorrect legal theory. For example, you cannot consider testimony that one side or the other does not agree is accurate testimony. The testimony where the State says they meet the needs of the prisoners and Pagan chaplains are not needed is contested by Patrick and his team. The court made an illegal ruling.

The ruling of the 9th District Court in Patrick's and the inmates' case applies to the entire United States, becuase he sued under TItle 7 as a civil rights violation.

They said that religion was a BFOQ (Bonafide Occupational Qualification). There are a series of rules or qualifications that a candidate has to have before they can be hired. It's the one place in the law where a government or individual can discriminate on religion. If a BFOQ says that someone has to be a Catholic chaplain and able to give communion, then they cannot hire a Native American to be that chaplain, because they can't give communion.

The court put in the BFOQ that the chaplains can only be from liturgical faiths, which means that there are requirements practitioners have to do to go got Heaven. Since the ruling of the 9th District Court in Patrick's and the inmates' case applies to the entire United States prison system, that means that non-liturgical chaplains are not permited to be paid chaplains. So, all of the Evangelical chaplains must immediately be fired. Patrick is considering whether or not to sue to force the State to fire them, becuase they didn't meet the qualifications set forth by the State, just as Patrick did not.

This also means that the State can come up with their own BFOQ, and then discriminate against anything based on that. "They can now say, we don't hire Blacks anymore, because this job hires a White person. Once they've said it, they don't have to hire any Blacks. That's what this court just ruled."

Patrick is trying to figure out what to do.

If it goes to the Supreme Court, it could take 8 to 10 years.

He could go en blanc, which means that he can ask the entire 9th Circuit to rehear the parts of the case that they made mistakes in ruling, which would give him more time in the courtroom to present testimony and documentation. There's no guarantee that the court would listen.

He could go to the media and tell them all of the details of the case.

He could just drop the case.

What should Patrick McCollum do?

Interfaith Dialogue Tips

2011-06-17T12:46:00.000-07:00

Today, I participated in an interfaith dialogue about how to interfaith dialogue. It is a mechanism for peace, and it is important for Pagans to engage in interfaith dialogue, because it increases the understanding that we have about other religions, as well as encourages the understanding that other faiths have about us. By engaging in this dialogue, we can help decrease the misconceptions and stigma associated with Paganism. In fact, there can be so much stigma that Pagans might not be welcome at the interfaith table. We can present ourselves in a genuine manner in hopes of being further percieved as a legitimate faith. Pagans have much to gain by engaging in interfaith dialogue.

When we increase our understanding, this can also decrease the stigma that we have about other religions. We would like to think that this wasn't necessary among Pagans, but we are human, and we can develop prejudice and misunderstanding based on the information presented to us. Many Pagans are jaded about their Christian upbringings or experiences. Sadly, despite the leaps and bounds made since 9/11/01, there are still misconceptions about Islam in America, which also trickles down to some Pagans. And, even though Santeria and Vodou are in many ways considered related to Paganism, the general Pagan community may not really understand what they are or why they are related. These are just some examples, and the hope is that interfaith dialogue would help us not only understand Christianity, Islam, and Santeria better, but all religions.

Reverand Clark Lobenstine, the Executive Director of the Interfaith Conference of Metro Washington gave a short talk on how to engage in interfaith dialogue. You can visit all of IFCMW's youtube videos here.

Building trust is important when engaging in dialogue with people of other faiths. We do that by being genuine. At the 2008 Pagan Spirit Gathering, Selena Fox said that to do that, we must approach interfaith work with love, openness, diplomacy, and wisdom. Clark said that how we hold our beliefs is as important as what we believe. Are you seriously interested in dialoguing with other people who have different beliefs? It should not be for ego, to convince other people that you are right, or to convert others to your faith. The point is not to win arguments. The point is to engage people in a way that builds understanding.

Clark started out by suggesting that people find occasions to engage in interfaith dialogue. The IFCMW hosts large and small discussions, and you can search for interfaith discussion opportunities in your area. You could attend a worship service in a different faith service. Clark suggested that folks read something about another religion in the paper, in a magazine, on a blog, or in a book. For example, someone of the Ba'hai faith graduated from school and didn't get the response from family she expected. Clark talked about what he could learn from an article such as this. These stories might help us in conversations that we have "around the water cooler", in the grocery store, etc.

Keep in mind that the things we experience don't always apply to every person we meet. But we use this to find more ways to relate to each other.

Clark spoke about the ways that people communicate.

1. "We talk about you, usually behind your back."
2. "We talk to you. One way communication. We have all the goods that you need."
3. "We talk with you, where dialogue really begins."
4. "We talk to one another about ourselves, which occasionally happens and we get genuine dialogue."

Be as eager to learn as you are eager to share.

It might be good to build trust by asking someone else with their experience is with X, to use that with a springboard. For example, "I understand that this is Ramadan. What is your experience with it?"

Clark gave us some ideas on things that would build trust to share:

Share why you love to be a member of your faith community.
Share your glimpses of God or the Divine.
Be willing to speak out about experiences in our own tradition.

And, don't only share, but genuinely listen to what others have to say.

When we engage in interfaith dialogues, we each are a representative of all Pagans, and thus we should act more like the Mother Theresa of Pagans. If you don't feel that you can be genuine in wanted to understand other religions, then interfaith work is probably not for you.

The Pagan Value of Giving

2011-06-10T07:32:00.000-07:00

This article is written for the call for editorials by the 2011 Pagan Values Blogject. The Pagan value of giving describes the exchange of energy by transfering something from someone who has it to someone who does not. Often, the thing that we give is money. That which we give can also be time, energy, appreciation, acceptance, food, help, guidance, life, safety, and so much more. This value of giving ties into the value of service. The deeper into the Mysteries we find ourselves, the more we realize that we are in service to the Divine, which translates to living a life in service to all.

When we give, the natural reaction of the Universe is to return that energy. Often when we are giving what someone else does not have, we might only hope to be reciprocated with appreciation from the person recieiving what we have given. Even if the donation is made through a third party and we never meet the people it benefits, we'd like to think that those persons recieving the food, the blood, the clothes, the money, etc. are appreciative of the gifts they are given from strangers who cared so much about their well being that they would initiate that exchange. It is that thought that our actions have possibly brought joy into someone's life that keep us giving. We know how we feel when we are joyful, and to share that joy brings us a moment of connective bliss.

To be fair, this exchange requires that person giving to recieve something, whether it be directly in the moment, sometime before the action of giving, or sometime after the action of giving. In fact, giving and recieving are a part of the justice of humanity. But, as can be coined by many a person down in their luck, human life is not naturally fair. All too many times, those who recieve (or in some cases, take, withhold, or do not share) again and again do so without equal giving. And, all too often, those who have little to give, are not appreciative of what is given to them. People walk around with a sense of entitlement, when in fact, we are entitled to nothing. Everything in life is a struggle, and though we might luck out and have our basic needs met, those are not always a given. The more gratitude that we give back, the more resources that we give back, this system of giving and receiving will glow and shine through humanity. We improve the overall condition of the human race through our perpetual giving.

Andrew Doggett from the Northern Virginia Pagan Pathseekers recounted a story to me over dinner a few weeks ago about this project he was working on that connected families in need with holiday gifts for their children. The project spent a good amount of time collecting donations and going through applications to recieve these benefits for a single county in Virginia. He commented that many of the recipients of these benefits, benefits that were intended to make the holidays easier for families in need, were ungrateful for the donations they recieved. The last straw for him was when he retrieved a package for a women who had several children. He peaked in to make sure the small package was correct for her larger family only to find a thousand dollars in gift cards. Feeling very pleased with the donation this family would recieve, he took the package out to the mother. She took one look at the small envelope in his hands, rejected it, and insisted that Andrew go find her more. She wanted more than what was being freely given to her family.

An officer of the William Blake Lodge of the O.T.O. quoted an unknown source in a Facebook status update that there had been complaints that someone finds the O.T.O. "fees and subscriptions rather high." In my opinion, the dues to join the Ordo Templi Orientis are relatively low or relative to any other esoteric order. The benefits of membership in the O.T.O. are immense, including a program for spiritual growth, group support, classes, and social functions. A lodge will provide a dedicated space in which to practice. Instead of complaining about the cost of membership, we should be grateful for all of the resources that the O.T.O. gives us and let them know that we are grateful. And, our choices are to give money and recieve membership benefits or not give and not recieve membership benefits. It is not our place as a part of the community to complain to others who are giving us that what they ask to recieve in return is too much. We all set our own prices and our own limits, and we give courtesy to other people not to complain about a fair exchange of energy.

There is also a difference between that which is asked for and needed and that which is asked for and not needed. It is often a life lesson for those who want to do for themselves to ask for help. But, it is also common for folks who cannot help themselves to pose as someone who genuinely needs help. Our society does get caught up in meeting the needs of people who have resources, but continually cannot help themselves, let alone give to other people. It is true that before we can help someone else, we must first help ourselves. But if someone is always in the process of helping his/herself because he/she is inherently unable to help him/herself, then that person has the potential to always take what is given and reciporcate little.

What this does is put is in a position to always be thinking about how we can be of service to others. When David from CapitalWitch.com lost his metro smart card, I whipped out mine for him to borrow until he bought a new one. I drive, but he does not. When my coworker desperately needed hands to help her move more than 300 bales of hay last weekend, I mobilized my network and showed up with five other volunteers. When some of my coven mates saw that my roommate had moved out and taken all of the silverware that I had yet to replace, they reached into their homes and gave me their extra silverware. When Swimswithdolphins said that she didn't know if she was going to make our next coven initiation deadline, David said that he would take her under his wing and help her get there, which meant spending many dedicated study sessions to do so. Frank Stormcatcher, Michael Moonsage, and Maria Aquila have all recently paid for my dinner and/or drinks, and I reciprocated by paying for theirs the next time. When I offered to pick up Scott Burbridge to attend several meetups way out of our way last weekend, he was overjoyed, and he insisted that he reciprocate by filling up my gas tank. Also, Scott saw how much people enjoyed the non-alcoholic punch I made at the last Open Hearth Foundation house party, and he made two trips to the store to purchase refills that night. The fact that people found joy in the punch allowed Scott to feel joy by making sure the punch bowl was always full. These are just small daily examples how the folks in my life naturally reach out to help each other. The people that I surround myself with are people constantly asking what we can do to help, what needs to be done, and how we can be of service.

And, there are bigger examples of how Pagans give and serve in our community. When Peter Dybing saw a need for relief in Japan, he reached out to his network and raised $30,000 to help with recovery. When Selena Fox hears of legislation or court cases that might affect the rights of all Pagans, she mobilizes her network to react. When Patrick McCollum saw a need in prisons to support prisoners in Califonia in practicing their reglion, he stepped up to meet that need.

Smile at neighbors. Hold the door open for someone trailing behind you. Make someone a mixed CD to brighten their day. Give someone who needs it your last bit of change. Purchase supplies for your local Pagan group. Clean up a park. Organize an event. Genuinely listen to someone. Offer to give someone a ride. I attended a meetup last year called The Love Revolution, which is a movement from the Christian tradition focused on paying it forward. I really like the field guide that was put together, and find that most of the ideas are not religion specific.

In my tradition, Paganism is a path to making the world a better place. We can only do that if we live our lives in service, strive to meet the needs of others, and pay it forward through giving what we can to others.

Post in the comments how you have recently given that has made you feel joyful and/or what someone has given to you that made you feel joyful.

The Word Pagan is a Collective Bargaining Unit

2011-06-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

There has been discussion on the homefront about our use of the term "Pagan" and whether it hurts us or helps us. Many of us come to this path because we are encourage to explore. We come from a place where we are expected to conform. In this space, we are free to be whoever we want to be. Even the vocabulary we use to describe what we do can mean so many things to different people. As Pagans, we are all free to believe what we want to believe and practice how we want to practice. That does not change. But, when we fly in some situations under the collective identification as Pagan, we become a force to be reconned with.

But, this game we play with the word "Pagan" is a dangerous one. The word "Pagan" is akin to a workers' union. When you join this union and identify as Pagan, you strengthen the force of that word. You join a collective bargaining unit, under which you are also afforded the attachment to other rights. To break apart that union is to lessen our collective bargaining power. And, as Peter Dybing reminds us, that is dangerous.

The Veteran's Pentacle Quest. Patrick McCollum's fight for the inclusion in prison ministry that only "five faiths" are allowed. When as a Wiccan Priestess, Cyndi Simpson wanted to given an invocation at a governmental meeting in VA. All that Selena Fox and the Lady Liberty League have fought to preserve. These battles are fought from various descriptors of faith, but as Pagans, we add weight to them. Someone can attack the rights of witches, Wiccans, Druids, Goddess-worshipers, etc, and when that happens, everyone who might call themselves Pagan shows up. Why? Because when you come after one of us, you come after all of us. But, if there are only a few tens of thousands of Wiccans, so what. When there are a few million Pagans, that's when we become a force. By identifying with the Pagan collective bargaining unit, you add your voice to a force to pool our rights for all of us.

If we all refered to ourselves by a descriptor of our individual and specific beliefs, (i.e. a Wiccan priestess, student of Athena, and interfaith minister currently studying the Bardic path, Italian Witchcraft, Thelema, and others), how many other people would say that we have the same beliefs? That we qualify as the same religion? If there was another one of me in the world, I would be surprised. I organize a Pagan meetup and an eclectic coven. I was surprised to find two years into our coven building that most of us were Wiccan. The discussion of terminology of what we called ourselves never came up. We're Pagans, and that's all that matters.

So, fly that "Pagan" descriptor proudly. And, to those who want to do away with it...I say that you're putting our progress over the last several decades in jeopardy. We somehow ended up picking this word for the public to associate with us, and we're stuck, because so much is on the line. If you jump ship now, you're gonna be two sheets to the wind without a sail down river and this movement is going in the other direction.

Honoring and Remembering Service Members

2011-05-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

Today in the U.S., it is Memorial Day, a day set aside to remember those service members who died while in military service. But, because the stakes are often so high, these days of remeberance often bubble over into other meanings. Because we can never thank them enough, we thank veterans and active duty service members on this day. And, Pagans remember Pagan members of the military who have passed on through the veil. Special recognition placed on those Pagans who served and in death had to fight to be honored by a symbol of their religion in the Veteran's Pentacle Quest. Jason from the Wild Hunt is right when he says that the level of Pagan involvement in our armed forces is increasing beyond our imagination.

Circle Sanctuary has an expanding network for military Pagans: http://www.circlesanctuary.org/ministries/military/

Star Foster wrote about Memorial Day on Patheos.com:
http://www.patheos.com/community/paganportal/

Jason talks about Pagans on Memorial Day on the Wild Hunt:
http://wildhunt.org/blog/2011/05/pagans-observe-memorial-day.html

I think about all of the people in my life who are active duty military or who are veterans of wars not so far in our past. My thoughts go to my ancestors who were Patriots during the Revolutionary War. I am a member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, where we serve God, Home, and Country in an effort to preserve and honor the legacy of freedom that our ancestors sacrificed their lives and fortunes to achieve. My father's father was a sailor in World War II, just like our Revolutionary War ancestors. My mother's father and my mother's step father both served in the military, but I am not quite sure which branch or in what capacity. May they rest in peace. These are the people in my family that I honor and remember today.

To those American service members who have passed on, we honor and remember you. Thank you for your service to this country. Your sacrifices are not forgotten.

Thank you to all of the Fireflies that serve or have served in the military. We honor you, today, too. Thank you for everything that you have done to preserve our freedom.

Blessed be.

Questions for reflections and sharing today:

Who do you remember on this Memorial Day?
Are you currently serving in the military? If so, in what capacity?
What are your plans this Memorial Day? Visit a cemetary? Attend a parade? Lay by the pool? Attend a cookout?
If you do not live in the U.S., can you tell us about Pagans serving in the military in your country?
If you do not live in the U.S., how does your country honor its service members?

Pagans at HRC's Clergy Call for Justice and Equality

2011-05-25T11:33:00.000-07:00

I had the honor to join David Salisbury from CapitalWitch.com at the Clergy Call of the Human Rights Campaign to talk about activism in justice and equality in not only the LGBT community, but for all people. It was an incredible experience to sit in the pews with representatives from all 50 states, including a delegation of four from Hawaii. It struck us that this event was so important that someone came from Alaska and four people came from Hawaii. We just had to get on the Metro, but people crossed oceans and flew through Canada to be here. And, we were the first Pagans to be present at this gathering of faith leaders from all over the country. We were in a room with people who had been fighting for civil rights for all people for decades. Notable civil rights activists, who when spotted in the crowd, the presenters had to stop in the middle of a speech and ask for a round of applause.

Rev. Elder Darlene Garner gave the invocation, and in her words rang true a common theme, "We are not truly free until we are free." In the speeches and in the conversations with Clergy Call participants, the notion that we were fighting for LGBT rights was a part of this larger issue of total freedom. These rights that transcend sexuality, or that because one's rights often find themselves based around one's gender and sexual orientation conformity, we are fighting for the equal rights of all. We weren't just standing up for LGBT rights, we were standing up for Black rights, Latino rights, worker's rights, women's rights, immigration reform, healthcare reform, religious freedom, resources for mental health, resources for folks who find themselves homeless, and so much more. We were standing up for the rights of all of us to be who we are, no matter our religion, our skin color, our sexual orientation, our gender, our gender identity, our age, or our disability. LGBT was the front of this movement, because there was action here, but this wasn't the only focus. Joe Solemnese, the President of the Human Rights Campaign, stated that a poll taken said 86 percent of people said that their faith made then believe that all people deserve equal rights, including LGBT folks.

So, as a straight Pagan faith leader who is an ally of the LGBT community, I am not just fighting for the rights of my fellow humans, my fellow Americans, my fellow women, and my fellow Pagans, but I am fighting for my own rights. It was mentioned how we often draw the line in the sand and say that we're only going to help Pagans. Only going to help women. Only going to help Black people. Only going to help those in the LGBT community. Only going to help those like me. But, we're all in this together. And, we just have to help.

One of the first sessions we attended was a talk about LGBT homelessness in youth. A good majority of homeless youth are homeless because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Right off the bat, I was asking myself what I could do. What can we as Pagan faith communities do for these homeless youth? And, in a lunch presentation about military families, and how LGBT partners of soldiers who die in the line of duty are often cut out of the support provided for the family. In one example, because one family did not recognize the sexual orientation of their child as valid, a partner was not permitted by the family of a deceased service member to see the body or attend the funeral. And, our system is set up to allow that to happen, because the partner was not legally recognized. So, a group of folks got together and started providing support to those LGBT military families who find themselves cut off from support when their loved one dies. I ask myself what the Pagan community can do to help. In a breakout session, I paired up with a Methodist clergy person from Minnesota, and she told me about folks who are legally married in their states, but their partners face deportation, because the federal government doesn't recognize same sex partners as sponsors. Again, I asked myself what we as a Pagan community could do to help.

David and I spoke with a transgender minister from Seattle who had taken in a transgender community member who had fallen on hard times. The deal had been a place to stay for two weeks, but that two weeks turned into six weeks with no way out. The minister said that after coming to Clergy Call, him and his wife knew that they had given all that they could give, and it would be time to ask their company to leave. And, this vibrated with me, because I kept thinking of ways that the Pagan community could help without putting ourselves in too deep that we loose ourselves.

I found a few ideas that I am going to act on as ways to be active, to engage in work that bring all of us closer to freedom without loosing myself. I will share some of them as I explore options for helping, so that you, too, might feel engaged to lend a hand. To give. To serve. To be a part of healing this bigger human community. Because we were the first Pagans to sit in this delegation of faith leaders, we have a responsibility to bring back to our faith community these mechanisms for change. Yes, we were the first, but that came with much responsibility to act.

In her keynote address, Dr. Melissa Harris-Perry said that the center of these issues is citizenship. That is why we call it civil rights. We all should have the same rights, because we are citizens of this country. She retold the story of Represenative Joe Wilson, and how he was a White, Republican senator who cried out "You lie!" as our Black, Democratic president was addressing a joint session of Congrees. It was said that this was racism. But, Dr. Perry went deeper. The incident came during comments about healthcare reform, and directly after Obama said, "There are also those who claim that our reform effort will insure illegal immigrants. This, too, is false. The reforms I'm proposing would not apply to those who are here illegally." This after a presidental election and inaugaration that questioned the President's citizenship. This controversy was not about race, but about citizenship.

Dr. Perry went on to say that being in a democracy means that you can loose, but the winners does not take all. The winners have to share. We end up with movements when we can't live with it when the leaders or winners keep all the goodies for themselves. Recognition of who we are is one of the goodies. While we might be free to be who we are, the recognition of who are is something that winners tend to keep all for themselves. And, our recognition is violated through shaming. It pits us agaainst others in our community, making us seperate ourselves as respectable people against others. "I'm not like those Black women. I'm not like those lesbians. I'm not like those Pagans. Etc."

As she mentioned a recent incident at McDonald's, I leaned over to David Salisbury and nodded about the horror. Dr. Perry started to say that when she heard about an incident at a Maryland McDonald's involving three young, Black women, she identified with them. She was pitted in the story against whoever had wronged those women, connected through commonality. But then, she heard what happened. Three young, Black women viciously beat a transgendered woman who was in the bathroom while a McDonald's employee watched. The story is horrible. But, that is one example of how those who can be free with their recognition shame others and keep the goodie of recognition to themselves.

The reality is that who is our friend and who is our foe is not always easy to determine. A person or company that supports LGBT rights might turn around and do something else that undermines those rights, such as fight for stricter immigration standards.

In a panel about going deeper when talking to legislators with faith messages, Rabbi Denise Eger said that when we go to Capitol Hill to talk to our Senators and Representatives, we need to have a faith statement of what we believe, why we believe what we believe, and why that means there should be LGBT equality. In a break out group later, we were asked to answer these questions. I had paired up with the Methodist clergy person from Minnesota. It was amazing how we could identify with each other's answers. I stated that as a straight ally of the LGBT movement, I believe that the divine is within all things. We are all a part of the divine. And, there have been lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered people walking with straight people since just about the beginning of mankind. While I might not be able to idenitify as anything other than straight woman who was born a woman, I firmly believe that each of us is a divine creation with the same spark within us that we will find in the stars. Straight people cannot decide that because we do not agree with someone's lifestyle, gender, or orientation that was within them from the time they were born, that they have no control over, that we can deny them rights that we have. So, there is no other answer than to vote in favor of equal rights for all LGBT persons.

Rabbi Eger also spoke about being positive in defeat. In the hours after Prop 8, no one was thinking about how do we take that legislative defeat and turn it into something positive, something transformative, and something healing. When Prop 8 was approved, people went to storm this conservative church that was credited with single handedly funding the legislation. Rabbi Eger had to block to door of the church, trying to keep people out. This had me asking what we could take back to the Pagan community in this reguard. How could I use my work to encourage healing and transformation in our darkest hours? How could I encourage other Pagan leaders to do the same?

Beth Zemsky spoke about building movements. She said that movements are made up of collective intentional action. Rosa Parks did not just sit on the bus. It was planned for years. The riot in Egypt was not spontaneous. The planners of that riot had been working for three years to set that action into motion, and they were just waiting for the right moment to do it. Egypt dis not just happen. Organizers planned for three years and chose to execute it at the right time.

We had dinner with several clergy persons from Maryland and the District of Columbia. Here we are, a couple of Pagans sitting with religious leaders from our community. We were breaking bread with an MCC pastor, Progressive Independent minister, a Methodist minister, and others. We talked about Pagan holy sites in the UK. We talked about places to hold retreats. We talked about the challenges they had been through, and how it was interesting to see a young bunch of us as clergy persons at our age. When the MCC pastor asked us if we have weekly services, I said that we did not, and I poised myself to explain why not. But, he let out a huge sign of relief and said something along the lines of how wonderful that would be. We had a good laugh together, because that was not at all what we expected him to say. We did assure him that week do keep many engagements each week, and that our schedules are already booked through the rest of this year. There is no rest for the servants of the community.

What a blessing to be involved with this event. Please! Go out and make a difference in the world! Pagan, Christian, Hindu, athiest, gay, lesbian, straight, bisexual, transgendered, queer, questioning, Black, White, Latino, Asian, we're all in this fight to just be who we are and live our best life possible.

Volunteering at the Maryland Faerie Festival

2011-05-23T05:16:00.001-07:00

I was fortunate to get to volunteer for the Maryland Faerie Festival this year. I had attended for a few hours two years in a row, and after trying to just get in there and do something to help, the festival producers assigned me to coordinate the media and do some PR. In a comment on Facebook on the event's page, Kalabran Friedel, MD Faerie Festival producer, said, "Some of our key volunteers start out as "two hour work shift volunteers and they never leave." I definitely see this as a truth of the festival. The volunteers were the nicest people you could meet at the festival. Everyone was so sweet, welcoming, and helpful. I saw many familiar faces and made many new friends.

People arrived on Thursday to set up, volunteered throughtout the whole festival, and then stayed into Monday for teardown. There were also folks who stopped by for an hour or two to help out. The festival depends on short-shift volunteers just as much. The planning committee has a group mind that can work together with great organization, but with little discussion. Many events move mountains with little discussions. It was so obvious that everyone knew their job and did not need babysitting. I was so impressed with the organization of this festival, I wanted to comment on that amazing group mind and to hold out to be a part of that. I know in organizing my own events, our group mind works so well, but if there is not a step by step guide, some volunteers at variou events don't hold out for the magick.

I was able to connect to the magick of the festival so much more through being a part of it. The experience of an event is often changed by my increasingly demanding role behind the scenes. But, my task was to talk to people, to record the magick, and to share those experiences with people. I was blown away. The magick was so much greater when the curtain was lifted. How incredible.

I encourage anyone and everyone to visit or volunteer at this event.

A Visit With Lady Harmony and the Firefly Country Pagan Meetup

2011-05-11T05:34:00.001-07:00

At 10:30am last Saturday, I hit the road headed for Palmerton, PA. After some phone conversations with Lady Harmony, we realized that I was only four hours away. And, the excuse for the trip was to show her the basics of Photoshop, so that she could edit her own graphics. Lady Harmony is s very sweet gal with a big heart, and I am so lucky to have gotten to meet her.

Driving to rural PA was an incredible experience. It is so peaceful there. The break from the city was great, and it was good to get to see the Country Pagans world. I got a tour of Lady Harmony's elemental garden, complete with a little pond and hammock. We started off the weekend with a trip to the Emporium, the local witchy shop. I saw a pull tab flyer for a Pagan group, went to point it out, but squealed when I realized that it was Harmony's flyer! At home, we started on Photoshop while her husband whipped up a meal fit for a couple of princesses, lol.

The next day, I was fortunate to meet 3 other of the 17 members of Lady Harmony's Country Pagan Meetup. It wad incredible to see the group, because we don't get a sense of really just how meetup has been a game changer in their Pagan community. Country Pagans Meetup is the center of the Pagan community there! I know a couple of our meetups have been, but to see it working in the flesh is enlightening. To get to see them, touch them, and hear their voices in person, wow. Several folks knew each other beforehand, and this has created a close-knit dynamic already. This to the point where when someone came in and started causing issues, the group was comfortable enough to address those issues. Lady Harmony has taught them some basics, and they had questions about what to do if they get experienced and more beginnets join. They have also done a ritual together. Thay also asked about how to raise funds for their group, and talked about the possibility of hosting a Pagan Pride Day. It is a group that was so needed and has changed many lives already.

Thank you so much for your hospitality, Lady Harmony!

Prayer and Working for Japan

2011-03-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

If possible, join us in spirit for a group prayer and working for Japan on Saturday, March 19th at 8pm EDT.

No matter where you are, visualize the cherry blossom trees around the tidal basin. If you are not near the cherry blossoms, but have visited here, use that feeling of being near them to create a link. If you have never been here, and the image of cherry blossoms does not create an emotional connection for you, then use the image of something you associate with Japan to create a connection.

See them as a real, physical link between the U.S. and Japan. Use that connection to draw a physical line down the roots of the trees and through the Earth between you and Japan.

Activate that connection by sending positive energy to the people of Japan.

POEM ABOUT THE JAPAN DISASTER

The plates of the Earth move this way and that.
Back and forth like the pacing of a cat.
The pressure built up to be so great.
The scientists knew what could be the fate.
It was a ticking time bomb without a clock.
The Earth may have signaled us with a single falling rock.
"The Day the Earth Stood Still" will not be the name of the subsequent book.
Through the pictures that came in, the entire world had the chance to look
At the piles of cars and the houses turned into boats
We like to think that underneath, there lies more survivors, more food, and more goats.
We can imagine the great receding tide that warned the people
About the water wall coming to run them higher up than the steeples
Twigs that were the four walls of houses turned homes
Made deadly piles that chased away the spirits, faeries, and gnomes.
Mother Goddess, heal those wounds that can be healed
of the mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers who fates are not sealed.
Dangerous power needs cooled and contained
In a situation where there is no one to blame.
The land still rocks and the Earth is unsettled
Pressuring release like an over-the-top kettle
When all is said and done, let the people of Japan rebuild
And let peace and friendship be something the world can soon weild.

Mother Goddess, your children in Japan are scared. They are hurt. They are dying. They are hungry. They are sad. They need help. This great Moon that shines down upon us also shines down upon Japan. Send them your love, hope, and nourishment. Protect them. Let the wounds that can be healed heal. Let more love ones be found. Let them not go hungry. Lift their hearts and fill their spirits with joy in future ahead.

We invoke the global Elementals of the East; Powers of Air. We invoke you that come from the East go to Japan to carry out the will of humanity. There are dozens in the vicinity of the damaged nuclear plant in Japan who have sacrificed their lives to stop the nuclear meltdown and further radiation leak. Give these people guidance. Give them the knowledge and answers they seek to solve the problem quickly and before it is too late to stop the leak. Do not let them die in vain. Make their sacrifice worth the price they will pay.

We invoke the global Elementals of the South; Powers of Fire. We invoke you that come from the South to go to Japan to carry out the will of humanity. Stop the explosions near the nuclear reactors. Be condusive to the absence of heat and allow the radioactive material to cool.

We invoke the global Elementals of the West; Powers of Water. We invoke you that come from the West to go to Japan to carry out the will of humanity. We pray that water will return quickly to the nuclear reactors, so that the fuel rods will cool and prevent a nuclear meltdown and further radiation leak. We pray that the waters around Japan will be safe from contamination. We pray that the Japanese people will quickly get access to fresh water and that no one suffers as a result.

We invoke the global Elementals of the North; Powers of Earth. We invoke you that come from the North to go to Japan to carry out the will of humanity. Though the earthquake and tsunami are a part of the Earth's natural maintenance, the toll on humanity is great. And, they have damaged a human creation that has the potential to further harm our brothers and sisters of Japan, the land, the water, and the creatures that live there.

Mother Earth, it is our will to support the egg-shaped containment aura being created. Cool and protect the damaged nuclear reactors. Prevent leaking of radiation not only in the air and through fiery explosions, but prevent meltdown into the earth and the water table.

We pray that the Japanese people will quickly get access to food and nourishment and that no one suffers as a result.

We pray to the Mother Goddess that she care for the people of Japan. They are our sisters and brothers. Through the connection that these gifted cherry blossom trees from America to Japan, we pray for Japanese safety, protection, and healing. To the people of Japan, we give you strength. We give you hope. We pour hope through this connection that we have created.

Global Powers of Earth, Air, Fire, Water, and Spirit protect Japan, its life, and the world. The will of humanity be done. So Mote It Be!

Pagans Pray for Japan at the Cherry Blossoms in DCSaturday, March 19th at 8pm
Near the Tidal Basin Boathouse at the Cherry Blossoms (not far from the Jefferson Memorial)

Meet us by the Tidal Basin boat house on Saturday, March 19th at 8pm to spend an hour praying for Japan. It is with these cherry blossom trees, our real and living connection to Japan, that we will use to help Mother Earth send our energy for containment of the nuclear radiation threat, as well as healing for the people.

We understand that the earthquake and tsunami are a part of M...other Earth's natural process of balancing energy and pressure. However, these events still caused a human disaster, and being human, we need to respond to support our kind. Humans, animals, and plants, as well as the land and water have been damaged and are still threatened. We need to pray for a positive outcome, for containment of the nuclear threat, and for that healing that we know will take time.

The weather this weekend is going to be wonderful, so let us find the joy in the cherry blossoms to send back to Japan with our prayers. You may want to bring a blanket to sit on.

DONATE TO JAPAN RELIEF - Through Doctors Without Borders. Peter Dybing of the Covenant of the Goddess has done amazing work to rally the Pagan community in a collaborative donation effort. If you would like to donate to Japan Relief, you can do so online: http://paganinparadise.blogspot.com/

You can also give your donation to The Firefly House at the prayer service to be donated to this fund, if you would prefer not to make a donation directly online.

***NOT ABLE TO BE IN DC: Use the group prayer above. Please feel free to distribute to anyone and adapt as needed. Light a candle, say your own prayer. Lend your magick.

Just a note that I use the language "global Elementals" in the working to reinforce our awareness that this is different than calling elementals to a circle. Take it or leave it.

My Mythic Faire Adventures

2011-03-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

Mythic Faire is a weekend-long "Celebration of World Creation, Time Travel & Fantastic Realms," which includes medieval, steampunk, faerie, gothic, renaissance, pirates, Celtic and more. The event consists of vendor and organization booths, panel discussions, presentations, and two masquerades. Friday evening was the Time Traveler's Masquerade. Saturday was the Kelticworlds Masquerade.

Steampunk is a huge draw at a convention like this, and most of the people in attendance were dressed in that realm of fantasy. Steampunk is a subculture of folks who look to the point in human history when steam power was prominent in the Victorian Era. It is about embracing an era of happiness in the promise of infinite possibilities available to mankind, and often uses the mechanism of invention for expression.

Though all of these topics are of interest to me, I find myself not knowing where I fit in. It was something that I explored. I'm a witch and knowing that Raven Grimassi was going to be there made me feel like there was a connection between myself and Mythic Faire. I don't feel like filling in my role as the witch when I go there, but there are so many other magickal elements that I still feel lost. So, there is this self-exploration going on in fantasy world outside of my reality as a witch. But, maybe that's why I feel a little lost...I am in this reality of magick as a part of the everyday world, but I have trouble making the transition to fantasy, though I like to tell myself that I live in this fantasy world.

Then, you might ask what was I doing there. Well, I volunteered at FaerieCon after getting a Facebook message through a Maryland Faerie Festival Winterfest group. And, the people and the event were so great, I signed up to volunteer at Mythic Faire. If it has the word volunteer next to it, I am usually the first one in line. So, I find myself volunteering at these wonderful events, trying to get my feet wet to see where I fit in.

I arrived in time to sit in on Raven Grimassi and John Matthew's discussion about European Myth and Folklore:Tales from North and South. John began with the story of Rex Nemorensis, the "King of the Wood." From what I gathered abou tthe myth of Rex Nemorensis is that it was a story of the Cult of Diana by Lake Nemi. The Rex Nemorensis had to fight the current Rex Nemorensis to the death with a bough broken off of one of the sacred trees. From Wikipedia iwth more detail:

This is, in a nutshell, the surviving legend of the rex Nemorensis: the priesthood of Diana at Nemi was held by a person who obtained that honour by slaying the prior incumbent in a trial by combat, and who could remain at the post only so long as he successfully defended his position against all challengers. However, a successful candidate had first to test his mettle by plucking a golden bough from one of the trees in the sacred grove.

John Matthews went on to talk about Arthurian legend, and how the Black Knight usually presents a challenge in the life of the hero. The challenger/hero kills the black knight, and then goes home to the queen. The queen represents the land. After crying for her dead husband, the queen marries the hero, symbolizing the literal union with the land.

Raven talked about how in Italian legend, people can literally become faeries. People can also marry the fey to represent the tying together of the current generation with the ancestors.

I had to duck out of the presentation and head upstairs to take my post behind the registration desk. Later that night, I took a spot at the merchandise table for the bands during the Kelticworlds Masquerade. Adam Hurst, Woodland, and Delhi 2 Dublin performed. Delhi 2 Dublin rocked the house, and we watched the ceiling lamps shake as everyone had a good time.

The next day, I spent some time looking at vendors, but I was trying not to spend money. A friend texted me and asked me to get Daniel Merriam's autograph on the program, becuase it was one of his designs. When I went down to his booth, I was blown away by his artwork. It's fantastisc.

Mythic Faire is produced by Faerieworlds, LLC, which also puts on FaerieCon at the same Baltimore Hunt Valley Marriott, as well as a huge festival called Faerieworlds in Oregon. Before the end of the event, we received confirmation that Mythic Faire will be moving to Atlanta from April 29th to May 1st 2012. Personally, I think it's a good move for the event. FaerieCon draws on the same crowd, and that convention brings in nearly 1000 people and is already almost full when it comes to vendor spaces.

We'll see you all at FaerieCon! I'll be at the merch table.

Transgendered and Dianic at Pantheacon: My Comments to Discussion

2011-03-03T22:46:00.000-08:00

I think that one of the biggest issues here is the lack of understanding for the various subcultures that comprise Paganism, especially transgendered folks. Unless we have experiences that teach us differently, humans tend to impress their own feelings and understanding onto the world. It is possible that Z. Budapest and other folks who made insensitive comments, just do not understand the weight and meaning of their words. At least, I hope that it's misunderstanding of transgender that causes those words and not hate.

I know that I am only inching on 30, but I am myself just recently coming to know deeper aspects of the LGBT community. As a straight woman who is a biological woman born that way, I don't understand the world experience of a man with a woman's body or a woman born with a man's body. Biological sex, gender identity, sexual orientation, and one's connection to divine masculine, divine feminine, both or neither...there are at least four components that make up this misunderstanding.

And, we tend to group LGBT into one group. But, lesbians, gay men, bi folks, and transgendered folks can be very different. I have seen one situation where a part of the gay community have responded differently to transgendered folks. In that case, the farther one person became physically transformed, the farther away from both the gay and straight communities this person became. Basically, it became an island of isolation. LGB-Q----T in this case.

So, I have little experience in the LGBT community. I've had friends. I've heard stories. I've had to think about situations. That's it. But, what I do understand in regards to this reaction to the PantheaCon situation is that we need to educate ourselves. We talk about inclusion, we overlap with so many subcultures, but we lack training in how to work with others across these types of differences. We train ourselves to sit at a table with a Buddhist, a Muslim, a Jew, and a Christian to have a conversation about faith. But, we don't do that across the sex/gender/orientation/divine lines. Maybe what Zusanna, and the whole Pagan community needs is to get to know transgendered people to understand who they are and what they feel. To put the self in the understanding of what it is to walk a mile in those women's high heels. Not necessarily to the point where Dianic groups, such as CAYA would welcome transgendered women with open arms, but at least enough to communicate without offending a good chunk of the Pagan and LGBT communities.

Sacred Space Wrap

2011-03-02T21:49:00.000-08:00

Day 3 of the Sacred Space Esoteric Conference began with the graduation ceremony of six students from Cherry Hill Seminary. When Holli Emore, CHS Executive Director, stopped me in the hallway on Friday to inquire on whether or not David Salisbury from CapitalWitch.com was present, we realized that we needed to step up our coverage. As the evening went on, we began to realize that between the two of us, we had most of our recording and editing equipment with us. We should have realized what we were capable of doing and made plans to implement broader media coverage of the event. It was another eye-opening experience of what was possible for the future.

After lunch, I spent some down time recording and editing some podcasts. I didn't realize that a jam-packed weekend and 5 other good friends staying in two rooms would mean that I wouldn't get a lot of down time. That's always the case. I think hotel means lots of sleep and internet. Hotel conference means that thank goodness there's some place to put my stuff while I am running around.

I was a bit overloaded from all of the work to be done and all of the learning I had crammed into my brain, yet not had a chance to digest. I couldn't decide which class to attend in the first Saturday afternoon slot, so I just followed LaVada into the Hillfolks Hoodoo class. It was a class that I wanted to take, and following a friend made choosing easier, as there were so many good choices. I was sitting there, feeling more overwhelmed than I was upstairs, and decided to just go back to the room. I got on the elevator, and on the ride up, I realized that I couldn't just miss out on all of the classes that day, so I rode back down and pulled another chair up next to LaVada. By that time, Eldritch had snagged my seat. I snuggled in between them.

I was so glad that I had made a point to exercise my will and sit through the class. Byron Ballard was dynamic, funny, and a hillbilly. Or as she said after she rattled off a dozen stereotypes of hillbillies, "I am a hillbilly. I have bad teeth. And, I have a Master's degree." Byron started the class out by talking about Hoodoo as a term used to describe various systems of folk magic. It's not a religion. I have seen books and classes on Hoodoo, but heard several people say that Hoodoo and Voodoo as all smoke and mirrors. When Byron talked about Hoodoo as a system of folk magick that has various origins...be it African, Native American, or in her case, native to the folks who have lived generation after generation in the Appalachin Mountains.

The thing about Byron's class that I took away the most was my realization that my grandmother with dementia wasn't just a crazy lady who was trying to connect with me by saying that she was a witch, as she had to connect herself to everything. My grandmother was mostly likely a witch. It made me want to reach out to her and ask her questions about witchcraft. I remember the things about witchcraft that she told me she practiced. I wrote her off as making up details, as she often did when she didn't remember things. My grandmother would never admit she didn't remember something; she just made up the details my entire life to the point where I have completely invalidated the authenticity of everything she's ever told me. I don't know what the truth about our history is from her life. I thought of witchcraft akin to a practice of modern witchcraft...not her incorporation of folk magick into her life. That realization was incredible, but left me feeling sad that there was so much in the way of understanding the truth about my grandmother's life. All I remember about the folk magick references was that she grew up telling me about how she used to divine using playing cards.

On Sunday, I attended a class about Ensorcelling: The Occult Arts of Influence with Jason Miller. By this time, I was truly fried, and just wandered into class behind David. I didn't take any notes, because I was just trying not to collapse. But, Jason's class was highly informative. One of the major things that I took away from this class was Jason's explanation of the ethics of influence. I come from an eclectic practice of Wicca in which it is understood that we don't seek to harm or manipulate anyone. However, Jason described our existences as just one set of influences after another. Witchcraft that influences someone or something doesn't remove their choice. It just impresses a set of influences on them just as everything else in the universe, but they can still make the decision. It does not remove a person's choice or will from the equation. I felt like this resonated with my own ethics, and I could most effectively apply in maybe a situation where I was in high need of protecting myself. They say that the best defense is an offense. Despite the fact that I got picked on a little bit as breathing example of such a working, I actually learned a lot more in this class than I thought I could take in, and scribbled down a page of notes in post.

After the closing ritual, we checked out, packed up the car, and said our goodbyes to new and old friends. It was off to the next adventure for all of us. And, believe me, there is so much in store.

Thank you to all of our teachers this weekend. And, thank you to all of the wonderful people we met, as well as the Sacred Space organizers.

Day 2 at Sacred Space

2011-02-25T21:22:00.000-08:00

The morning was an earlier rise than we maybe would have liked. The alarm went off way too early. But, there was much experience to be had, so it wasn't long before we were moving around and heading downstairs.

Kitzie, Patrick, LaVada, Crystal, and myself decided to attend a class on the Seven Hermetic Laws by Gwendolyn Reece. Gwendolyn was dynamic and engaging, and I had to stop myself from plutonically doodling "I <3 Gwendolyn" on my notebook. The Kybalion is a collection of aphorisms (wisdom spoken in a memorable way) attributed to Hermes Trismegistus, such as "As above, so below. As below, so above." One of the things that I took away from her class was a tip about creating aphorisms for the wisdom we discover in everyday life.

Lunch was a Chili's again. We were all in need of digesting information and relaxing. Our little group was ording drinks when Maria Aquila, Vice Chair of the Open Hearth Foundation and Foursquare Guru ran up to tell our table that if we check into Foursquare that we would get free chips. Voila, check in and chips appear! Well almost. After we were done confusing the servers about who was actually sitting at what table, Kitzie, Crystal, LaVada, Patrick, David, and myself spent quite a bit of time chatting about what we took from the classes that we attended.

Heading out of lunch, we passed a Facebook aquaintance and chatted for a moment, promising to connect on Facebook. As the elevator doors closed, I realized that it was the Volunteer Coordinator that I wanted to connect with from the Maryland Faerie Festival. I ran back downstairs, flipped a chair around, and declared that I remembered in what capacity that I needed to connect. Her little group that was chatting when we walked by cracked up in laughter. Oh, this social networking thing that brings us together also seperates us.

Angela Raincatcher, Maria Aquila, Patrick Quinn, myself, and many others sat in on Jason Miller's presentation on Strategic Sorcery. One of the things that I took away from this class was that it's a mistake to wait to do magic when it's too late to save a project or endeavor. Applied to an important project in our lives right now, this said to Maria and myself that we should form a strategic plan to manifest the OHF's DC Pagan Community Center project before we even hit a bump in the road. This to better increase our opportunities for success. Jason has an online correspondence course in strategic sorcery, if you are interested in finding out how to apply his ten principles of successful magick work.

Tomorrow will begin with the first Cherry Hill Seminary Graduation.

Day 1 at Sacred Space

2011-02-25T00:17:00.000-08:00

It was a cool day when we arrived at the Holiday Inn Timonium. Kitzie, a Baltimore transplant from New York City that we met a the National Pagan Leadership Skills Conference last July, had arrived and I called while driving to get her checked into one of our two rooms. We knew that we were going to be a few minutes too late to make the opening ritual. We unpacked the bags only to find that we had to wait 20 minutes for the hotel to clean a room. Most importantly, they found us a room next to the room Kitzie had just checked into. All in all, it would end up being myself, Patrick Quinn, David Salisbury, LaVada Niamba Damarra, Kitzie, and one of the other Fireflies from DC packed into two rooms.

After getting up to the room and unpacking, we hit up the attached Chilis for some hot and much-needed food. It had started to rain a little bit. Afterwards, we made our way to relax for a couple of hours before the next set of events. Kitzie, LaVada, Maria Aquila, myself (and a room full of others) sat in on Michael Smiths's class about how magickal traditions are like different water wheels that tap into the same or various rivers, streams, and tributaries of energy. One of the major things that I took away from this talk was how learning a tradition (such as Gardnerian Wicca) differed between one who studied with a lineaged coven versus someone who read the materials online or in a book. The folks read from a book, while viable and could learn a lot, would not be able to locate the same stream of energy that the Gardernian lineage had tapped into and worked from.

Once Maria Aquila sat next to me, I realized that I couldn't remember what I did with our Persephone's Masquerade postcards, and I started to freak out a little. This was the OHF's new board's first time printing the postcards on our own, and it was a little fiasco to get the internet company to accept our very acceptable artwork. So, I had gone to Kinkos at 3am Wednesday morning to get a set of 100 cards to tide us over at this conference. Needless to say, I was starting to get nervous that I couldn't show Maria that product of a long night and lots of (unnecessary) hard work on our part. Before the next session, we took a short break, and I dashed out to my car to find them in the front seat. I triumphantly presented them to Maria, and we immediatelly chatted up our new friends about this most amazing masquerade. It immediately became worth the extra effort to get those postcards.

In the final session for the evening, I sat in on Debbie Chapnik's class about the court cards in tarot. One of the major themes that I took away from this discussion was that the court cards are a family that can and sometimes should be treated seperately from the numbered cards of the Minor Arcana. We talked about the court cards as real people manifested in our lives. I got a different perspective to a similar method of handling the court cards when reading. I came away with a lot of great information, as well as validation for the stuff about tarot that just felt right to me and that I just picked up after reading over the years. I don't mean Debbie any disrespect by refering to some of her material as validating, but her presentation was phenomenal and much of the information was new. Just a couple of parts made me feel like I was on the right path and her perspective flowed well with mine.

It was really good to get to reconnect with Kitzie this weekend. I know there are many more hours of conversation to be had, but the first day was a little overwhelming with everything going on. And, we were in seperate rooms, so that means extra effort to connect, which can sometimes be hard when we're all over the place to begin with. There is sure to be much more conversation with old friends and new friends alike in the coming days. I thought four days here was too long, and now I don't know if it will be enough.

David Salisbury from CapitalWitch.com was supposed to join us late in the evening. This after his much-anticipated use of Lady Gaga tickets at the Verizon Center. His partner in crime at the concert offered to give him a ride to Timonium. Well, the concert got out around midnight, and I offered to meet them halfway, so that her trip back to Fairfax, VA didn't take her 2 hours with a turn around that put her back to work in Chinatown at 9am. It was pooring rain by this time, and I was all the more glad her trip didn't double. When we got back to the hotel, Patrick, David, and I celebrated with a mini lemon drop martini, chatted about Pagan blogs and the Pagan Newswire Collective, laughed about Fail Blog for about a half an hour, plotted to be awesome, and then each fell asleep when we could hold our heads up no more.

We hope to be up bright an early, chipper, and off to a class on the Seven Hermetic Laws by Gwendolyn Reece.

Getting Ready for Sacred Space

2011-02-24T09:11:00.000-08:00

I was worried about everyone else packing too many things, but I'm looking at my stack of stuff, and wondering if we'll be able to pack into the car. I am supposed to be heading to the car to pick up Lady LaVada from The Firefly House, and then come back here to meet Patrick Quinn, so that we can all carpool to Timonium, Maryland. I have been going through my head to see if I missed anything. Podcasting equipment: CHECK. Several pairs of underwear: CHECK. Bras: CHECK. Pants: CHECK. Jewelry, so that I feel dressed up and witchy: CHECK. Razor: CHECK. Food: CHECK. I know that I am missing something. My brain is under the bed somewhere. I have to remember to dig that out before I head to the car.

I have no expectations for this weekend. I have never been to this conference before, but the energy of the Pagan community is built up. I can feel it. I have been reading blog posts and podcasts all week from the magick at PantheaCon, people getting ready for ConVocation in Michigan at the same time we're getting ready for Sacred Space, and then following Patrick McCollum's amazing adventure in Thailand. I am freaking out a little that this will be another amazing Pagan experience that I didn't prepare for. But, I am open for anything. I will be present with my notebook and gel pen, ready for whatever the Universe brings to our community this weekend. The talk at PantheaCon was about the connections made and re-established. There was a lot of reuniting with old friends. In looking at the list of who is attending on Facebook, I can see dozens of people that I know in attendance. The only hope is that by being open and not with expectation that I won't manage to make an ass of myself. I have no idea what classes I want to take. All that I know is that there will be magick and I am going to be blown away, no matter if I've charted out my weekend or not.

The truth is, between taxes, building an Open Hearth Foundation website, doing major maintenance on the online Firefly Community, and then starting to rebuild The Firefly House's website, as well as write two Moon Magick classes, keep up with events and meetings, partake in my own studies, practice my flute, and packing...I am a little fried. Oh, and the two fluorescent lights in the bathroom went out, so when I go in the bathroom, it's like wearing sunglasses inside. There's no time to get new bulbs, though one of the bad ones is in the car just in case. Good thing my roommate is also out of town this weekend.

Gnostic Mass, Aleister Crowley, and the O.T.O

2011-02-13T22:30:00.000-08:00

A few Sundays ago, I attended a Gnostic Mass at the William Blake Lodge of the Ordo Templi Orientis, or the Order of Oriental Templars (O.T.O). It appeared to be a derivative of Gnostic and Catholic teachings, and the link in the description sent me to Liber XV, which was written by Aleister Crowley. I knew that Crowley was heavily associated with the O.T.O. I didn't know how heavily his teachings, path, and practice influenced the organization, but it is quite a bit.

The listing described the event:

The Gnostic Mass (Liber XV) is a ritual celebrating the union of the divine male and female through the pageantry of the lance and the cup. The ceremony culminates in a sacrament of a cake and wine consumed by the participants in the congregation. The ritual is graceful, joyful and a high dramatic ritual rich in esoteric and ecclesiastical overtones.

The ritual officers consist of a priestess, priest, deacon and two "children" representing the positive and negative polarities. The Gnostic Mass is the central ritual of Ordo Templi Orientis (O.T.O., or the Order of Oriental Templars) and was written in 1913 by Aleister Crowley.

Though I wasn't quite sure what to expect, I found the I found the Gnostic Mass exhilarating. I don't know much about the O.T.O, but I have always had the understanding that it was high magick and ceremonial magick. I don't believe that I've had much experience with ceremonial magick. I felt the change in the priest and the priestess from the people I was introduced to and the people that performed the ritual. Their voices were different. Their appearances were different. The booming voice of the Master of the lodge was different than the shy guy that chatted about the space before the ritual. It was tansformative on many levels.

Crowley himself is an interesting character. Though dubbed "the Devil" by dissenters, and though some of his methods and behaviors were questionable, the product of that life has much to offer the modern Pagan community. The Wiccan Rede is a result of Crowley's work, which is even refered to by Pagans that are criticized by folks in the community for their positive outlook and belief that the world should only be good.

A rarity among Pagan and related groups, the William Blake Lodge has it's own space that they have built into a very workable, wonderful community and ritual space for their group. If you at all have a chance to visit them, please do. And, if you would like to make a contribution to their operational or building fund, I know that they would appreciate it. This is truly a gem in the magickal resources that needs to be supported.

For more information, visit http://www.williamblakeoto.org/.

Imbolc Blessings of Brigid

2011-02-05T22:07:00.000-08:00

Imbolc marks a point of deep winter, but also the progress of our journey towards spring. I attended several celebrations and rituals including the Firefly Online Imbolc and Lughnassadh Ritual, the Sacred Circle Books Mid-Winter Ritual, the Firefly DC Open Imbolc Ritual, as well as the Order of the Black Hat Circle for February.

When the Northern Hemisphere is in winter, the Southern Hemisphere is actually in summer. The Firefly House's rituals observe two sabbats in one ritual to give folks the opportunity to participate in a group ritual regardless of their location. In an excerpt from that online ritual, the Northern Hemisphere calls the divine and celebrates Imbolc:

God : “Sun Child, I great your growing strength as a sign that the light is returning to the earth. Come and celebrate with me this time of year. Hail and Welcome!”

Goddess : “Great Lady Brigid, goddess of healing waters and crossroads, dispel the gloom of winter with your shining love. Be with me to celebrate the light. Lady Brigid, Hail and Welcome!”

"Imbolc is halfway between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. The time of the quickening is at hand. It is visible that the days grow longer as the infant Lord increases in strength. The time of the quickening occurs at the crossroads of the year. No one knows what twists and turns that lie ahead in the year that has just begun to unfold. As goddess of the crossroads, Brigid will help guide your path. Brigid’s cross symbolically unites the four directions or elements with the otherworld. As the goddess of the crossroads, she is said to be able to see where someone has come from, as well as where each road might take them. Because of this, Imbolc is a time for divination, a time to discern, or perhaps, choose a path for the year ahead.”

In an excerpt from that ritual, the Southern Hemisphere calls the divine and celebrates Lughnassadh:

God : “Lugh, I understand your waning strength is a sign that the harvest of the grain has begun. Come and celebrate with me this time of year. Hail and Welcome!”

Goddess : “Great Mother Demeter, I call you to honor you and the abundance you have brought during these summer months. Demeter, Hail and Welcome!”

"Lughnassadh comes from the god Lugh as a celebration not of his life but of his funeral feast and games in remembrance of the death of his foster-mother. She died after clearing a plain in Ireland for agriculture. In early times there were games of strength and skill as well as the common practice for communities to come together, horse racing, and see distant family members as well as for handfastings (which was trial marriage that lasted a year and a day). It is also the beginning of the harvesting season as corn and wheat are ready to be picked.

Several members of the Coven of the Spiral Moon and Firefly DC community, including myself and Lord David Salisbury, attended the Sacred Circle Books Imbolc Ritual that was lead by Rath from Coven of the Black Vulture. During that ritual, one of hte Sacred Circle community members, Literata, shared lore about the works of Brigid:

Once a sick man came to Brigid to beg for food. Brigid asked, “Would you rather be king of all Ireland, or be healed of your disease?” The man answered, “I would rather be healed, holy Brigid, for a man who is healthy is his own ruler.” And she saw that he knew the truth of the matter, and she brought water, and washed him, and he was healed. In this she did the service of healing.

Another time, two widows, who were poor and sick, came to beg for food, and she offered them the one cow that she had, and bid them share it between them. But one of the widows was proud, and insisted that she would not share. The other widow let the proud one take the cow, and turned to Brigid, saying that she would be content if Brigid would just pray for her. Brigid did more than that: she put her hands on the old woman’s back, where it had been bent and sore these many years, and Brigid prayed, and the widow’s back was healed. Just as she was going out, another man who had been helped by Brigid came, bringing her a cow, and Brigid gave it to the widow who had been healed, and said, “See, because you were humble, you have a cow and your health as well, while the proud widow went away content with her pride.” This was the gift of giving what was needed.

Last night was the Firefly DC Imbolc Ritual lead by members of the Coven of the Spiral Moon. Lord David Salisbury wrote and lead the ritual. Here is an excerpt from the Firefly DC ritual:

Welcome all to Imbolc, the winter feast of ice and flame. It is at this time, in the middle of the winter months, that hope for our rebirth springs anew. The sun child is quickly growing and the Goddess in her joy begins to reveal the first signs that spring is on the way.

However, the icy winds still blast and the harshness of winter has yet to be melted. It is up to each of us to turn the wheel of the year. The water we hold in our hands is the living waters of community, which blessed by our magick, will melt the iciest of hearts and allow the comfort of home and hearth to shine though.

To bless the waters, we invoke Brigit, Goddess of this day, who calls us to come forth as one family to bring the waters needed to wake the Earth up.

Holy water, sacred flame
Brigit we invoke your name
Bless our head, our hands, our heart
Source of healing, song and art

And my final stop this week was to the monthly circle for the Most Excellent Order of the Black Hat. Lady LaVada Niamba Damarra and I attended. It was a very deep circle of connection. We started out by silently calling the quarters and walking a virtual labyrinth through the displays of Sticks and Stones Circle. After a blessing and a guided meditation, we asked for Brigid to pray for us as we talked about dreams that we used to have that we tapped into as a result of the guided meditation. Some people had dreamed of being writers, princesses, or mothers. My dream shared was that I had wanted to be a professional flute player when I was a child.

Imbolc blessings to all.

Time to Plan for PPD

2011-02-03T19:55:00.000-08:00

The Sun cycles around on this Wheel of the Year again, and it's time to start planning for this year's local Pagan Pride Day. The purpose of Pagan Pride Day is to connect with the public through outreach that consists of a harvest ritual, food drive, and press release. In Northern Virginia, we are always competing with the Pagan Pride Day of Washington, D.C., even when DC PPD is on hiatus. The news outlets don't tend to pay attention to us. So, our event tends to be more for community building, which is just fine for us.

I all started for me when I ended up at a conference, having missed the PPD announcements, and I ran into the DC regional coordinator at the time. I said that I wanted to volunteer, but missed the meeting, because I had to work. Wide-eyed, she looked at me with glee, and asked if I would be interested in coordinating the Northern Virginia Pagan Pride Day. "Sure! I just need some help!" And, that was that.

This is the fourth year that I have been involved with planning the Northern Virginia Pagan Pride Day. This year, I am technically the co-coordinator, as David Salisbury, the editor-in-chief of CapitalWitch.com, as well as initiate and Second Degree candidate for the Coven of the Spiral Moon, is taking the lead this year. David spent several years watching Carla Smith, the Vice President and Membership Director for International Pagan Pride, Inc., organize the Pagan Pride Day for Charlotte, NC.

We held our first meeting on the 31st of January at a Cosi in Old Town, Alexandria. We had been hoping to hold our event in the City of Alexandria, VA, as it would be a good place in the rotation of Northern Virginia's counties and cities. Location is difficult here, because half of the locations are on the public transportation system, yet too close to the city for the folks from the subarbs to travel to, and the locations more rural are not on the metro transist system. As I said, we had been looking at the City of Alexandria as our location, but the locations available for our date range in 2011 would run us upwards of $800 for the day. We usually just break even when our park runs us $200 for the day, so the fees for the available parks were out of the question.

For our first meeting, we opened with a brainstorming session. The theme was "what things would your perfect festival have?" Vendors are a necessary part of thie 2011 PPD, because it's one of the major draws for the event. Last year, I chose to forgo the vending for the chance to have an event at a park were non-Pagans would walk through. We had maybe 4 people walk through and several hundred cars drive by and see our PPD signs. It was a success for that goal, but we were not able to have vending for the Pagans. Because we did not have vendors, our numbers were down. A few other suggestions for our ideal event included music, entertainment, more rituals/magickal workings , kids activities, decorations (balloons, banners etc) , expanded media presence, food & snacks, a raffle and silent auction, ritual crafts, chair massages, and energy workers.

Our second item was establishing renewal of committee roles, transferring old duties to new people and creating a new roles. Our team has been highly solid for the past three years, and most coordinators return. With David coordinating the event, I've taken on the role of soliciting and managing vendors, groups, and sponsorships. We have our trusty Guardian as our Security Coordinator, a Programming Coordinator, and a Registration and Volunteer Coordinator. We have a new Kids Coordinator, a new Raffle and Food Drive Coordinator, as well as a new Community Outreach Coordinator. In addition to the committee roles, we had 4 others at the meeting who are willing to lend additional hands wherever needed.

We talked festival dates. International Pagan Pride restricts events within a window of sometime in August to sometime in October to correspond with the harvest focus. We like to hold our event on Saturdays, because some of the counties run buses on Saturdays but not Sundays, and we also like to have a day of rest for our team after the event, so that no on feels stressed out going back to work. The one year that we had it on a Sunday, I ended up yelling at my boss the next day. I couldn't get the day off, she called me into work three hours early, and piled a ton of work on me. We also tend to avoid Pagan and federal holidays, which puts us on the lookout for Labor Day, the weekend(s) closest to Mabon, as well as September 11th. Since this year is the 10th anniversary of September 11th, we're gonna steer clear of that as an event weekend. And, that weekend of September 9th-12th always rains. It has rained for the past four years. In 2008, DC PPD was cancelled because a tropical storm hit us that weekend. Last year, we held the event on the first Saturday in October, because it's clear of holiday disaster, and it's usually a little cooler. We set a backup date for the 2nd Saturday in October.

Next, we brainstormed about location. I mentioned the issues we ran into with Alexandria, and that was even with an Alexandria resident reserving the parks. We determined Loudon or Arlington as top choices. In terms of specific parks, our top 2 choices are. Claude Moore Park and Sully Park. Claude Moore Park just happens to be across the street from Esoterica, a metaphysical shop. In lieu of the crappy economy of late, we've been starting to pair up our events with local stores to drive business there. "Come to PNO, and stop by Sticks and Stones while you're there!" "Come to PPD, and stop by Esoterica while you're in the area!"

And, one of the tips that David picked up from Charlotte PPD was to have fundraisers. He's planning a Pagan Pride Coffee Night Fundraiser in conjuction with one of the other local stores. The fundraiser will be free with a suggested donation. We will supply coffee, snacks and a small silent auction consisting of donated items.

When you coordinate a PPD, it's required for file periodic reports, typically monthly, during PPD planning season. Our first report was above and beyond for this time of year. When David took over, I told him to set the first meeting, pick a park, pick a date, and set a planning schedule, and the rest will fall in place. It looks like that wasn't bad advice. The next planning meeting will be held on Sunday, February 27 at Curry Mantra in Fairfax at 5pm. That just happens to be next to Sticks and Stones. We will discuss location confirmation, announce the budget, put together a list of desired programming, announce the vendor/table/sponsorship prices.

There are many ways to get involved. If you are local to Northern Virginia, come on our to our planning meeting. We're looking for Loudoun County residents to get involved this year, because of our focus in that area. If you'd like to find your local PPD or apply to host a PPD in your area, Visit the IPP website: http://paganpride.org/do/do.html

The Scariest Stuff is in My Dreams

2011-01-18T11:38:00.000-08:00

I bolted straight up out of bed at 9:00am this morning. My heart was racing. I was sweating. I knew that I was late leaving to meet my friend for breakfast. I looked down at my phone to see that my friend was calling me, my phone on silent. She told me that the roads were too icy and not to come. I said good, because I was too late to make it before work anyway. My boyfriend was wrapped up in the blankets, though he had probably been waiting for me to wake up for hours. I explained the nightmares that I had. These were all nightmares that I had many times over the years.

Just before waking up, I dreamt that my brother, GM (a Pagan community leader), and myself were trying to make a trip in a hurry. GM secured us a sled. After some discussion, we decided that I should ride in the front, because I was going to be navigating. I got in, and I set my purse in the sled, trying to get my gloves secured, as well as a blanket wrapped around my legs, because it would be cold. My brother got in behind me, and GM went to go get the dogs. She comes back and gets into the back of the sled.

We were in a structure on a hill, and I started to push us off to get us closer to the gate. We don't just slide down the hill--we shoot down it, almost spiraling out of control. I use my weight to stop the sled and tell GM to hold on. She screamed out that she broke both of her ankles. We finally make it down to the low level by the gate. GM says that she shouldn't have suggested the sled, and that it was a bad idea. I keep repeating louder and louder that I thought she said that there would be dogs. She said that the dogs were coming. "When?! When are they going to get here?" I hollared. Just then, a team of 8 larger-than-life, beautful, brown sled dogs pranced up behind us. I said that we could go now, but GM mentioned again that she had broken both of her ankles.

Before this dream, I remember the dream about the man with the gun. We were having a small gathering at my house (a house I've never seen before, and I don't own a house now) when some commotion broke out next door. A couple of folks looked out the window to find police surrounding the front door of the next house. I commented that they should get back, because the police formation looked like it was a hostage situation, and that the man next door probably had a gun. The next thing I know, he comes outside his door with an assault rifle. The people in my house keep looking while I scream for them to get back from the windows. The man with the gun starts pointing it at us, fires a couple of shots, and misses. I motion for people to hid in the back room, but eventually, he gets over to the house and takes us hostage. He threatens to shoot some of the people if we don't cooperate. He points the gun at me and threatens to shoot me. But, despite the fact that I just want to run out of the room, I appear very calm. Somehow, through our interactions, he feels a part of our family, a part of our group, and hands me the gun, but it's a different gun. A smaller gun. The police eventually are able to take him into custody.

I am starting to understand how my psychic dreams work. I used to believe I was dreaming events as they happened. However, some of my dreams are obviously about fears and reviews of the week. I realized that my deja vu is due to dreaming about specific scenes...specific people at specific places doing specific things. The storyline of my dreams does not come true; it is only some of the actual images. My subconscious intermingles dream storylines (fears, day reviews , lessons, messages, etc.) with a timeline of future happenings. My deja vu from dreams coming true has always centered around the alignment of one image that was repeated over and over in the my dreams aligning with an image in my real life. I dream of people I do not yet know, and their faces are blurred in my mind. But, when two images, one from my dreams and one from my present, align, the person's face then becomes clear in my dream.

What does it all mean? Well, it means that the events of today were set in motion decades ago. I am still having dreams that I know are psychic dreams now, which tells me that the choices I make today affect the path down the road. It means that there is a great part of this life that is fated. When I have the deja vu, it tells me that I am on the right track, that I made it to the place where the divine wanted me to go. It tells me that no matter the choices I make, I will generally end up in the same place. It means that I really should listen to my dreams more, but I don't. I will follow the path that the divine has laid out. I will work hard, and I have committed my life to service. However, I am afraid that if I know where the path will lead, if I know some of the extent of the pain ahead, that I would make a different choice. We all know that there will be pain in the future, and we prepare for it and handle it as best as possible. But, it scares the hell out of me to think that I could know exactly what lies ahead. So, I will continue to dream the dreams and follow my path, wherever that takes me.

Okay, well, I think that's a total lie. I decided to blog about my crazy dreams, because I can't seem to keep a dream journal. I can blog, but I'm not disciplined enough to care to write down notes for myself. Maybe there will be some figuring out what my dreams are trying to say if I can keep writing them down. Maybe as I remember my dreams, they will become less about archetypes and more about the future. But, do I really want to know?

Reflections on Antagonists

2011-01-16T23:14:00.000-08:00

This is an abridged version of two articles published on The Witches' Voice in 2010.

Antagonists are unhealthy people who cannot properly function in the group setting, typically because their need to feel important or to be the center of attention causes destructive behaviors. Trolls, drama queens, or dissenters, some antagonists just cause headaches while others can ruin leaders and destroy groups. In the Pagan community, our leaders are the backbone of our community. When good leaders are attacked and their willingness to lead is torn down, it hurts the strength of the Pagan community. Today, I have no qualms about telling someone to leave my organization. At first, I got ill over thinking about how I was hurting that person to turn him/her away. Then, I realized that these people are not healthy. Healthy people will act healthy. Destructive antagonists that feed on conflict and need to be the center of attention through the disruption that they cause a group are not healthy.

The goal is to keep out unhealthy people before they cause problems in your group. But, that's not always possible. When running our online school, a few people that came in providing "helpful" feedback that was actually just a way to tear us down. Founding a coven, we didn't know who was a good fit and who wasn't. If people seemed nice and liked our group, we let them in. However, that proved to be a very faulty mode of operation. Several of the people who participated and seemed nice at first wound up being very destructive.

My role is to build community, as well as to facilitate personal and community growth, but these conflicts and antagonists tear me down into my dark place. I have allowed myself to feel not good enough to do my job, to serve the community. I almost walked away from Paganism completely a couple of months ago when one antagonist was able to split our group into a couple of factions with just a few words. I still have guilt, wondering if maybe I was wrong, if maybe I had hurt someone that was just harmless, wondering what would happen if I gave them another chance. However, I know what would happen. I know that I would have subjected everyone else to more conflict, more fear of criticism, more attacks. But, I am strong. And, I know that you are strong, too. You can handle this. You started the group that you run, because you do know what you are doing. You don't stand for people tearing down you and the people you care about, your chosen family.

Major Red Flags

Antagonists show up in our lives in a variety of forms. The key is to identify antagonistic behavior before it causes damage within a group or within your personal life. When these characteristics show up within a group, I file a mental note in my mind for later reference. It's the job of community leaders to watch out for destructive behavior, so that our groups flourish and our community gets stronger. If you are not a group leader, but you see some of this going on in your group, please tell your group leader. Healthy people can exhibit a couple of these characteristics from time to time, but unhealthy people will exhibit them more often than not. Most, if not all, of the characteristics of antagonists that I list in this article are based on Eran's work. Here are some major red flags that I keep in the back of my mind

1. The conflicts with a person just seem like they will never end.

2. Unnecessary criticisms are offered by someone that are meant to "help" you or your group, but actually make you or other people feel bad.

3. Someone who is inable to admit fault, possibly blaming other people for their problems, and playing the victim.

4. Someone who jumps from group to group, especially if the relationship not seeming to have ended well or they were actually asked to leave

5. Someone who seems to try to have total control over their personal information. They want to know all about you, but tell you little about themselves.

6. Someone who keep great records about people and conversations, as they will refer to them when creating or sustaining conflict.

7. Someone who expects you to drop everything and deal with their issues and concerns immediately.

8. People who twist the facts to meet the story. Their account of an incident is not always the same twice, and will change depending on who they are talking to, even if they are showing you the transcript.

9. People who give inappropriate gifts or gush praise.

More Characteristics of Antagonists

Eran's online work, "Trollspotting: How to Keep Your Coven from being Destroyed" is an incredible resource, and the link is at the bottom of this article. It was based on a book called "Antagonists in the Church" in a Pagan perspective.

Antagonists may or may not know how they affect other people. They inadvertently have the desire to tear down group leaders and groups to prove that those people are no better than them. Hence, the destructive behavior tends to stem from a lack of self-esteem. I have met some other antagonists whose behavior tends to stem from narcissism or staight-up self-centeredness. I have seen antagonists make little things into large group issues, every little pain is the end of the world, and conflict being created around small daily issues. There are conflicts that just never end, and I feel like I'm always going to have a problem with these people. I have mediated conflicts online and in person, then have people turn around and say that the conflict isn't over. This after the agreement by all parties was that their needs were met by the mediation process. A huge red flag for me is when I know that I am going to be required to continue to address conflicts in the future.

Conflict by unhealthy persons can be created through criticism. Some of the people show up with what seems like a wealth of knowledge, sometimes spouting extensive training and lineage. They have an answer for everything, and it seems as if their opinion is that way is the only way. When someone has something to say or an idea to share, it was often met with a list of what was wrong with that idea or what they could to do make it better. Nothing was ever good enough as is. We've had people come to our online and in person classes/events and tear apart work with "helpful" criticism to both students and teachers. I would never tell another teacher that what they were teaching was wrong. The Neo-paganism community is so ecelctic that most of us travel very different, yet very valid paths. Many of the unhealthy people we've encountered have found a lot of joy in pointing out the mistakes of others, and often the mistake can be subjective.

Conflict by unheathly persons can be created through disregardling group expectations. We've seen some people who want to come and go as they please, not following the guildlines of a group. When a ritual or class had a start time, we have seen antagonists seem to make a point to be disruptive, including constantly being late and/or having to leave early, as well as the constant need to eat in the middle of the event.

Conflict is often sustained for no reason by an unhealthy person. We have often seen antagonists as people who refused to take responsibility for their actions in a disagreement. refused to be wrong, refused to see how their actions could be affecting other people, and never considered other people’s view points as valid. The problems would occur over and over, even after they were meditated. There have, at some times, been unnamed “others” who we were told agreed with this person's point of view that were cited in arguments. Aggression or intimidation were tactics often used.

Unhealthy people hold others to a different standard than themselves. Sometimes, we would find that everyone else was being held to a ridiculously high level of ethics, however, the antagonist would turn around and do things this person criticized other people for doing. When they make a comment about someone, it's just friendly banter. When you or I say something about someone, it's unethical and malicious gossip. Antagonists do tend to keep good records of conversations, and take good notes, so that they can refer back to them later. Often, accidents are never considered accidents. When they break something of yours, it's an accident. When you break something of theirs, even if they were accountable and negligent in some way, you're stil paying for the whole thing. When they leave something out in the living room, it's just them utilizing the space. When you leave something out in the living room, you're stuff is in the way. My favorite was when I was told that one antagonists didn't come through on his/her responsiblities, it was because the group was being run poorly. But, if I didn't come through on my responsibilities, it was not because a group was run poorly, it was because I didn't have my priorities straight.

Antagonists often have a problem with authority. The bottom line is that the high priest, high priestess, celebrant, president, or other group leaders are in charge. If someone doesn't like the way things are being run, but they aren't going to run the group themselves, and they are just going to continue to complain and provide "helpful" criticism, then they just need to get out. When we used a code of conduct violation to justify asking someone to leave, we sometimes find that they try to twist it back around on us.

We've had several unhealthy people justify their destructive behavior by citing that they were following sense of ethics or "harm none, do what you wish." This has happened moreso with sexual deviance in antagonists. From a man trying to start a skyclad video coven from women within the school to another person wakling around a public event asking women if they wanted to have an orgy or have sex, the responses and following conversations lead me to realize the role sexual deviance can play here, too. While sexual promescuity is not necessarily looked down upon by most Pagan groups, there are still lines of propriety.

Antagonists can butter up leaders to get them to open up. When recieving inapproprate gifts or with people who gush praise, be wary. Being young and always a little nervous about my performance, it was always good to hear when someone told me nice things about my work, I got excited that I was on the right track. However, some of those people have certainly turned out to be unhealthy and destructive. So, when someone recently told me that such-and-such new person said they were a big fan of my work, and someone else new gave me a little gift of thanks, I cringed and slid those memories into the personal antagonist watch list in my head for any other characteristics that might pop up.

How to Handle Unhealthy, Destructive People

If you spot an antagonist outside of your group, communicate that fact with group leaders. Don't let them in your group.

If you spot an antagonist inside your group, get them out. Within our local group, as the high priestess, I reserve the right to ask anyone to leave if it's not a good fit for either party. Within our online church and school, some of our senior administrators also reserve the right to ask anyone to leave if it's not a good fit. Not all groups have this ablity. If you have many leaders, and no one person has the authority to ask someone to leave, then you need to have a clear process for dealing with destructive behavior. Make sure that you talk about antagonism within your group and that people know that those who do engage in conflicts or other destructive behavior will be asked to leave.

When you realize there is an antagonist, just tell them that the group is not a good fit, and ask them to leave. Antagonists will most likely respond with criticisms and accusations. They will claim that you are mean and that they are the victim. Do not explain why they need to go. Do not engage them in any other conversation. Regardless of whether or not they accuse you of murdering the Pope, setting the town on fire, or defiling some notable Pagan leader's grave, do not engage them at all. Do not defend yourself. Do not tell them they are wrong. Do not tell them that they are a troll. Just ignore their emails and get them out. If they tell a group of people why you are such a horrible person, defend yourself to those people only...fail to CC the antagonist.

In the DC region, which is now my home base, we have a lot of local groups that work independently. This creates an environment where unhealthy people can jump from group to group with little recourse. We've started collaborating about unhealthy people in the community. But, I've realized that this isn't going to help the antagonists. It's not something that spiritual counseling can hash out. They really do need to sit down with a therapist to work through the destructive behavior. So, if your community is like mine, and people who engage in destructive behavior have the opportunity to go from group to group, you may want to make a referral to speak to a professional.

For more information: http://bichaunt.org/Trolls/index.html

Interconnectivity

2011-01-14T15:44:00.000-08:00

Over the past two months, I have reached out to various magickal traditions and started to learn about Witchcraft, Paganism, and magick from more than just a general standpoint or my experiences in my base tradition of Wicca. I suppose it took me more than a decade to make this decision to seriously study other traditions, because every tradition makes us feel as if we already know the basics, but yet we're somehow starting from scratch on other aspects. I am learning new histories, words, and ways of approaching spirituality. I didn't think that I would make the cut and be able to figure these new traditions from my own. But, in reading, rereading, and listening to any audio available (the bardic course), I am starting to understand what is being taught. This is important for me, because I want to understand and experience the universe and the world to the best of my ability. I believe that every tradition and religion has some answers or something else to offer that the others don't for one reason or another, which might include some way of viewing the world that might open doors that other paths haven't led us to yet.

And, my path has been that of a priestess for so long, I think that our clergy persons sometimes close themselves off from starting over or even starting over in a new path. Hardly any Pagan group accepts the credentials of another group, and that's really okay. I wanted to start over, I wanted to find new experiences. The Builders of the Adytum say that it will take 15 years for a student to complete all of their training. I have heard it tossed out that it will take decades to become a Druid. And, that's really okay. It's about the path, the learning, the movement, the experiences. I always feel alive and connected to the divine. But, in taking on new studies, I opened my life to a new sense of connection, a new sense of being alive.

Each of these courses and organizations that I will talk about below tells students that through a ceremony we perform at the beginning, we're connected to their network of adepts. Firefly initiation does mirror this at the end of our Priesthood training. The connection to the people so far away that are sharing the same studies with you. I think that this might also contribute to my feeling of more perfect flow with the universe. I didn't think I could flow any better, but then doors I didn't even see just open up.

And, while you might be thinking that I've got enough on my plate, it's always a part of my work to build connections and relationships with other people. Every class, ritual, chat, and event has the potential to change us through what we know, the experiences that we go through, and the people we meet. Those in the clergy track will notice the plethora of new experiences that I have had since opening The Firefly Academy in 2006. As I grow in my knowledge, commitment, service, and networking, I can then open up the Firefly network to what I learn. I know that this is the case for many of us, and I hope that as you deepen your spiritual path, that you can return the favor by sharing your knowledge with us. Communities are built through shared experience, and the wider we all build connections, the more the Pagan community becomes interconnected. I just go where the divine tells me and do the work the divine needs me to do.

Just a note that it's only recommended to study in more than one order or tradition when you are well-versed in the basics of one tradition. Regardless, this is what I have been studying:

Order of the Bards, Ovates and Druids: Bardic home study course
The Bards are the poets and story tellers. The Ovates are the teachers and diviners. The Druids are the philosophers. In the bardic study course, we've talked about some of the history of the Druids. We've also talked about the nature of story telling. The stories told so far are amazing. In talking with a member of the DC Firefly meetup group, he commented that he's gone through the OBOD bard course, and really liked it. Compared to the ADF program, which he said is more like a reconstructionist tradition, the teachings of the OBOD can work with any tradition or religion.

Italian Witchcraft: Email course with Raven Grimassi and Stephanie Taylor
Wiccans and many Pagans call our solar gatherings sabbats and our lunar gatherings esbats. In Italian Witchcraft, sabbats are known as Treguenda (tray-gwen-dah) and esbats are called Tregua. So far, I've learned a lot about how family traditions of Witchcraft could have preserved a tradition through generations. Wicca and modern Witchcraft has been regarded as new traditions based on the practices of our ancestors, and how specifically Wicca was founded by Gerald Gardner. From Raven and Stephanie's explanation and evidence in writing of the cult of Diana and the hearth gatherings of families to teach the principles of old, I really fell like I was missing this piece.

Builders of the Adytum: home study course
Builders of the Adytum is a Western mystery school that focuses on tarot and qabalah. The start of the order's training talks about defining our goals and taking a single step to attain them. I very much resonate with this beginning. I think of Oprah and her campaign to encourage people to live their best lives. There are so many great people in the world, and I suspect that through their travels that they have come upon some of the magick of the world, even without realizing the connection. I attended a BOTA meetup here in DC last weekend, and we used the BOTA tarot keys that tie in qabalah, astrology, and the Hebrew language with tarot. It was a fascinating discussion, and I was told that I would learn about each key and about Hebrew as well. I am very excited.

I wish you all happy studies.

I prayed. I worked. It came.

2011-01-09T09:12:00.000-08:00

I prayed, I worked, and it came. It plopped right down in my lap like it always does when I pray and I work. I just move in the direction the divine tells me. I am totally submission to the Will of the divine, and in my most submissive moments, the doors fly open and the paths I could have only dreamed about come true.

I have no doubt that I was put here. the divine put me here. I can see clearly the calculated coincidences that could not be coincidences. I can see clearly how I got here, and that none of those choices were initiated by me. I made the choices, but I opened my heart and felt for the right path. I saw a most disheartening and contradicting poster on a Sunday school room in a local church. It said, "Open your heart to God. Do not follow your own insight." I realized that meant that the church wanted them to shut out the voice of God within them and listen to what the church told them that God said. Well, I listened to the divine, and every hope and dream that I could wish for has always been delivered.

At a Firefly January Kabbalah Ritual, Eliza lead us through the spheres of Kether, Chokmah, and Binah, then falling into Malkuth. We all toasted to that thing we wanted to bring with us into the new year. I talked about how I wanted the Will to Work instead of the Will to Sit on the Couch.

I was slammed back into divine reality yesterday when a most major door appeared in front of me. As a part of my television production training in college, I was required to take a web design class that taught me the basics of webpages and HTML. In starting an online school and all of the web projects we've taken on, I have wanted to learn more about various web programming languages, and even about building mobile applications. There are so many different languages, and knowing HTML means that you basically know nothing about web programming. They all make websites do different things, and some websites rely on multiple languages. I just don't have the schedule flexibility at work to take classes at a local college or at a local recreation center. Several counties offer web classes around here. And, money is always a factor. So, for years, it's been something I've always wanted to do as a hobby, but I sort of gave up hope.

An emerency work meeting popped up about our current union negotiations for yesterday morning. One of the announcements during the meetings was that members of the union recieve free online training on http://www.lynda.com/. I ran from amazing meeting to amazing meeting yesterday, and when I finally was able to look at the website, I cried. It was everything that I hoped and dream of. The lessons are wonderful. There are many samples. I am not yet a member of our union, but I am joining this week. I might have to wait a few weeks to gain free access to this site. I was a little disappointed, and a little afraid that I would forget about it or not make time to do the work when I did get access, but the monthly access plans are so affordable, that I could pay for a month when I was ready to start. It wouldn't be for another week or two, but the knowledge that it was there when I was ready was so very calming.

At the Most Excellent Order of the Black Hat, GrannyMoon (http://www.goddessschool.com/) and Gwen (http://www.sticksandstonescircle.com/) lead us through a working that talked about our hopes for 2011. At the end of 2009, I felt like I wanted 2010 to be my amazing year. But, 2010 really sucked for everyone. It was an especially bad year for me, at the end of which I was hoping we weren't really reincarnated to learn more lessons, because I said that my spirit couldn't take anymore of it. At the end of 2010, I prayed that 2011 would just be a better year. I wasn't hoping for awesome. Just better. I said that I wanted to use those lessons of 2010 to make 2011 a better year. We then made prayer arrows to weave our hopes into the future. I weaved into my arrow the hope that I could be able to do the work the needed to be done.

The Moment to Act

2011-01-07T00:25:00.000-08:00

Some of us might remember last season's Grey's Anatomy finale in which a crazed gunman, husband of a deceased patient, went on a shooting rampage in the hospital. That episode greatly spoke to me. It has long been a running sadistic joke that someone would come up into my workplace (television station) with a gun and let the bullets fly. Not long after that episode, people were taken hostage in Discovery Communications by a crazed man who thought Discovery wasn't doing enought to save the planet. Then, a shooting at a television station on the East Coast had me asking the managers what we'd do if a shooter came in. This after a string of workplace shootings. Oh, and then there was the recent school board shooting in Florida, because that man's estranged wife was fired. The managers at my station jokingly responded that the security guard would take care of it. This week, a hospital employee was stabbed to death by an employee who got a bad peformance evaluation. Oh, and the two mail bombs in Maryland today. And, tonight was another Grey's Anatomy episode. This time, it was the story of a college shooting that mirrored the Seattle Grace Hospital shooting. Along with most of the characters, I was in tears the whole episode.

We have the largest local television newsroom in the country, running 2 television stations, a major web project, a web hosting company, and a newspaper out of it. I work in an office with many bullet proof windows in the center of the newsroom. I am the only employee with bullet-proof windows, as most of the newsroom is open. Not many things in the room could break the glass, but an assault rifle could. Not even the General Manager's office (which is all windows facing the newsroom right across from my office) is bullet-proof. I used to plan my escape in my mind. I would slip out the one door to my office, across the newsroom floor about 20 feet to the stairwell. That is, if the gunman hadn't gotten that far in the newsroom. That is, if I heard the gunshots early enough to make an escape out of the my one exit. I have a backup plan in case that doesn't work, but who knows if that would be any good either.

But after watching that Grey's Anatomy episode tonight, I know it's not that simple. I had been hearing the gunshots in my head and making my escape from an empty newsroom. But tonight, I saw the 8 people of the assignment desk staff in front of me, including assignment editors, the manager, and the web team. When I step out of my bullet-proof office, I am on their platform, and I can see most of the newsroom. We have a staff of 600 in the building, of which I could probably see 200 people from that one platform. This time, I hear the gunshots, and I see my coworkers hit the ground in front of me. There is no way that I can make it to the exit now. I think about their needs. I calculate. I calculate the various scenarios and plot my reactions. In certain situations, I could escape. Depending on the timing of the shots, my escape also has the potential of putting me face to face with the shooter. In certain situations, I might be able to get away with hiding. In other situations, I might have to make a split second decision to prevent myself or someone else from being shot. I wonder what will happen that will make all of the scearios in my mind defunct.

We are never ready for the worst moments of our lives. It might be this situation. It might be a dozen other situations. What is your action plan for when the worst happens? And then, we pack that little plan into our minds, letting go in the bliss of the moment. The happiness of what we are: servants of the Goddess. That knowledge seeps into our strength, and we let it soak into our unconscious, our conscious focusing on our happiness and all of the wonderful things in our lives. The plan is necessary, but it should not drive us. It should not be a factor in our day-to-day lives. It is there when we need it. We revisit it when we need to, but we live happy lives.

I pray for the family of the hospital worker who was killed. I pray for the man senselessly beaten on the DC metro by strangers this week. I pray for the wellness of the people hurt by the mail bombs in Maryland today. May they all be well and find peace sooner than later.

Blessed be.

Once in a Lifetime Eclipse

2010-12-21T12:15:00.000-08:00

As a community, we Pagans didn't seem to realize how important 3:17am on December 21, 2010 would be to us. It had been on our calendars for months. The last time a solstice and a lunar eclipse coincided in the last two thousand years was in 1638. That was 372 years ago. The next time a lunar eclipse coincides on the same day of a solstice will be on December 21, 2094, which is 84 years from now. We didn't realize the significance of December 21, 2010 until we were crunching these numbers.

Many folks chose to stay up or wake up to see the shadow of the Earth eclipse the reflection of the Moon. During a total eclipse, the Moon travels through all phases of the moon. From full through gibbous, quarter, and crescent to new, then back out from new to crescent, quarter, and gibbous to full again. The Winter Solstice is a day in the cycle of the Sun and marks the longest night of the year. It's a turning point, because from this day forward, the nights grow shorter and the days longer. This day heralds the Return of the Sun. The full moon and total eclipse falling on the Winter Solstice means that the solar and lunar cycles are aligned. The shadow of the Earth moves acrosS the Moon and wipes it clean. It wipes clean our slate. We have the opportunity to reinvent ourselves and to be renewed.

My personal observance began with a Winter Solstice Chant for Peace. Peace chambers from all over the world took turns chanting for an hour at a time, culminating in 24 hours of chanting for peace before the solstice. Though there is no physical peace chamber here in the DC region, Sherry Sherry, a well-known psychic and medium, coordinated a temporary peace chamber at Esoterica, a metaphysical shop in Sterling, Virginia. We were connected to other physical chambers through a tile of stone from one of the other chambers. Sherry also commented that one of the gal's at the Australian peace chamber was joining us in spirit by chanting during her noon hour.

As one chamber finished their hour of chanting for peace at 10pm, we picked up chanting, allowing our vibrations to fill the room and be sent out into the world. We chanted vowels, A, E, I, O, and U, each for ten minutes. Our final ten minutes of chanting was OHM. I found that E was the hardest for me to chant, but found power and energy behind the O, U, and OHM. Patrick, a member of my coven who also attended the chanting, commented that he found I to be the hardest vowel to chant, but found great power in the O. I had never chanted more than a few moments or minutes before, as neither had many of the other attendees, but we were all surprised at how fast and flowing the chanting became. It was full of energy, and the connection to the other peace chambers was present. At the end of the hour, we joined hands in a circle and chanted to pass the momentum onto the next peace chamber.

Many thanks to Sherry Sherry for leading the chant, as well as to Esoterica for hosting such a wonderful event.

The importance of the astronomical events last night became apparent when you asked yourself if at 3am eclipse was worth making a point to see. I have been a member of the Washington Area Astronomy Meetup for maybe six months, but never had a chance to make it to an event. That is, until a viewing of the eclipse was posted at the University of Maryland Observatory. I asked myself if a 3am lunar eclipse on a solstice night was worth a drive into Maryland at 1:00am. The answer was HELL YES.

Between work, chanting, home, observatory, and home again, I would eventually put 90 miles on my car that evening. That is a huge deal for a gal who has a 3 minute walk across the parking lot from home to work everyday.

After Patrick and I ran to our respective homes and gathered our supplies for the Firefly DC Yule ritual the next evening, we met up at the UM Observatory in College Park, Maryland at approximately 1:45am. The parking lot was already nearing full capacity. When I left home just 30 minutes prior, the Moon was full with no indication of what was to come. After I greeted Patrick, I looked up to see 15% of the glowing sphere that orbits our planet blocked by our shadow. We headed to the telescopes and gazed and the reversed image of the eclipsed Moon. I was able to snap a picture of the image from the telescope (right).

There are few things more awing than the realization that we are beings on this Earth, and that the Sun, Earth, and Moon are moving into alignment. I realized that the Sun was shining on the half of the planet that was on the complete opposite side of our place on Earth. The Sun is always shining on half of the Earth, but the realization of where we were was so immediate and present in the moment. I felt as if I could reach out and touch the Moon. It was so tangible. The feeling of energy moving was so tangible. The Moon is so large, full of so much energy, and yet the Earth is the only thing that can stand in the way of its reflection. The Moon being our dreams and deepest desires, and the Earth being you or me, the eclipse says to me that when the Sun shines down our path, the only thing that can stand in the way of your dreams is you.

The reflection of the Moon tends to shine so bright that it blocks our view of some of the stars that would appear around it. As the eclipse deepened and moved through the penumbra, our view of the stars hidden by the light of the Moon was revealed. It is that in your darkest moments that your hidden gifts shine brighter than you could have ever known. The sky around the muted Moon was deep and dark. The Moon itself was most red during the time just before and just after the full eclipse. As it approached 3:17am, the halo around the sphere grew brighter and brighter. It was at that time that I most vividly felt that I could reach out and touch the Moon. It was as if the trip there was no farther away than walking to the next closest monument on the National Mall, which many of us know looks close, but is a good mile walk. Patrick had thought there would be more red, and it was redder on some of the live web cams we watched, but it was nonetheless red. Maybe the thin clouds, city lights, and pollution played a factor in the color.

We had been gazing at the constellation Orion and trying to guess which constellations were which while we were waiting for the eclipse to peak. Patrick spotted one of the dippers. The Little Dipper, maybe. We were rusty at our astronomy. It only occured to me as we were leaving that I had a Google Sky Map application on my phone that shows us exactly what is what in the sky, no matter where I point the phone. What a great tool that would have been to engage in as we were sitting there. I will just have to find more wonderful nighttime advenuturs on which to embark.

From the live feeds we could watch in the classroom.

It was cold. It was deathly cold if one was not wearing the right clothing. I had been to a couple of indoor observatories before, and thought that the telescopes this night would also be inside. I had grabbed a thick pair of pajama pants to put under my skirt and over my stockings just in case we were outside. Beyond some wonderful webcams we were watching in the heated astronomy classroom, all of the views of the Moon were outside. We had walked around a bit, and then decided that since we both had camp chairs in our cars, we should fetch them. Being a total mess in my car paid off. I eventually found enough to keep me warm for the last moments we were outside. Not only a chair came out of my car, but I pulled a cloak, a blanket, a sock, an old t-shirt that I made into another sock, and a scarf out of my trunk. I magickally pulled a hat out of my purse, as well as a 2nd pair of gloves when I temporarily lost one glove from the pair I had on. I felt like a magician with all of the things I pulled out of my proverbial hat. I was flowing with the Universe. Kicking ass and taking names.

More like the eclipse wiped my slate clean and I didn't have to think about all of the things that were holding me back. Reinvention. Renewal. A reset button.

On the drive back from the observatory, the eclipsed Lady followed me home overhead. I could see her out of the window at stop lights. I let the GPS navigation on my phone take me a way I'd never been. It was so unlike me, but I didn't want to think--just flow. But, as I continued to travel, I recognized buildings. I saw the apartment complex of two members of the Firefly meetup. I passed the 9:30 Club, the Spy Museum, this amazing Greek tapas place, and the Verizon Center. I passed Pennsylvania Avenue only to gaze down at the US Capitol under the eclipse. I traveled down Constituion Avenue to look upon the White House, the Washington Monument, and the Lincoln Memorial, as well as a place with my heart, the Daughters of the American Revolution Headquarters. All of this under the final hour of a lunar eclipse on a solstice. The streets were vacant, and I felt alive and full of personal power.

When my head hit the pillow at 4:15am, I could hardly sleep. I thought about all of the wonderful things to come on my clean slate. I thought 2010 would be my new year, my amazing year. But, it did not start out with such a rare and powerful astrological influence. If this doesn't mean good things for 2011, I don't know what could.

And, did we mention that Mercury is also retrograde?

Power Through Evil

2010-12-14T08:21:00.000-08:00

Again from the high school file. These amuse me. This was a short story I wrote for some English assignment. Poor teachers had to grade emo kids homework assignments. Giggle! On with the story...

     True-nervous-very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am, but why do you say that I am mad? 'Tis true it was I who committed the ghastly deed. I do not understand why I unleashed this malicious act upon my victims' so very being. For love? Jealousy? I am not convinced that even I, the Bringer of Fire, know that much. Let me tell you the tale of my misfortune that so forth led me condemned in the four walls of this black, lifeless pit in which the devil himself is concealed.
          Friday, yes, Friday, September 13th. My memory of this date is as clear as were his eyes. Him. I loved him. My love, the love who took every last bit of hope, of trust left inside my bruised and broken soul and smashed it upon the soils of this world that I no longer have will to take part in. My next thought disgusted me. Her. The demon. Oh why, why did you have to hold her in your arms, hold her where my very being had been so many times before? She would pay. I could no longer stand the pain, the terror of her very existence in my place any longer.
          As I descended the stairs that led to my private library, I heard a noise outside. Had he arrived home? I waited. Not a bone in my body stirred, not a muscle twitched, not a single breath did I take. No. Not him. I let out a sigh, relieved. I continued my way down, down into the dark hall in which the library adjoined.
          I entered my library and worked my way over to a set of books that were so ancient, they were falling apart. I soured among the many books of my witchcraft. "Where is it? " I said to myself. "Where is it?!" I screamed at the books. P. PO. POW. POWE. POWER. Ah, here it is. I plucked the book from its place on the shelf. Power through Evil, the title read.
          I coughed. Dust. When was the last time I had taken the book from this very shelf to use its black magic? Not since two hundred years ago - when I became immortal. I opened the book only to expose a combination lock. Eight - twenty - seven. I spun the dial around again and again until the cover popped open. Inside was my family's most treasured possession. The pendant gleamed in the light of the moon advancing through the window. I rotated it in my fingers to reveal to backside. Inscribed were the words Domantino Per Malum. Power Through Evil. I slid the pendant over my head. It rested upon the base of my neck, as would a crown on a queen’s head.
          I felt the power growing inside me. I heard laughing and giggling outside the front door.
          "Come in. Please, won't you? It will be several hours till my wife will return home. Tonight she is working abroad," a male voice pleaded.
          "I guess, but if she comes home and I am still here-" The voice of the female demon screeched in my ears.
          "We will carry out the plan we discussed. Do you have the knife?" The couple entered the house. "Honey? Are you home?" The man called out.
          "Dear, I'm in the library."
          My love entered the chamber, "Oh, darling, I didn't know you had come home so soon."
          "Yes, dear. I wanted to be home when you arrived with the demon."
          "You mean Camilla, don't you?" The demon stepped into my sight. "No. You can't. Please no! Honey, I love you. Please no!" He began to scream at the sight of the pendant.
          "Domantino per malum. Domantino per malum," I began to chant. "Domantino per malum.”
          First the carpet, then the rug, the table leg, and the drapes began to go up in flames. "No! Make it stop! I never meant to hurt you! I did nothing wrong!" Came my love's final cries pleading for my forgiveness. The demon began to scream in terror.
          "Shut up you witch!" I screamed. With my sorcery complete, I dashed out the door and down the hall to the front door. "Don't burn to death!" I cackled and ran out the front door.
          A few minutes later, police and fire fighters covered my lawn. When asked about what happened, I told the inquirer about the demon. I should have known better. It was only 1835. I was hung on accusations of my diabolic behavior.
          And now, as I rot in this eternal underworld, I begin to doubt that I ever truly concurred that sulphurous being, or if I even encountered it in the first place. As of now I do not see how you can call me mad. I was permitted by all those who believe in what's right to use my power against those who bring forth only evil. But I know my actions were unjust in the end. As I sit now in the Underworld with this white coat on with the arms tied behind my back, I wonder, is Hades afraid of me too?

A True Greek Myth

2010-12-13T18:55:00.000-08:00

Here is my farce on a Persephone story from high school. I can't come up with new original material lately, so I am going to reminisce about my old writings.

I stared at the black night sky that is dotted with white specks. I wondered what Apollo was doing right now, being God of the Sun and all. He's probably informing Demeter about Persephone. She was dragged away be Hades because he lusted after her beauty. She had been taken to his dark kingdom under the Earth. I would have hated to go there.

I remembered when Hades tried to kidnap me. He had his hands full when he found out that Hercules was in love with me, and it was a sigt to see Hades try and defeat the strongest mortal. I had cheated and taken away all of Hades powers. Well, I didn't take them away. I just suspended them for a few minutes. Though not very long, it was enough time for me to escape while Hercules kept him busy. Now he's been up to his old tricks again.

"Aphrodite," Hermes approached me.

"Yes?" I looked at the messenger and realized that he was hurt. "What could ever be the matter?"

"Zeus needs you. It's Demeter. She's fallen ill and he can't get her out of her temple," the young god gushed breathlessly.

I pondered this for a moment. Demeter had fallen ill. Could opportunity knock at a more appropriate time? “I’ll be there momentarily."

"Yes, my lady," and with that, Hermes rushed off as fast as he could, flying through Earth's atmosphere as if it weren't even there.

"Hm..." I thought about the possibility of me striking a deal with Hades and Persephone. I knew that Demeter’s sorrow will make the Earth grow ill, and I couldn't bear to see it as well. I was the Goddess of Love and Beauty. There was nothing more discouraging than seeing my beauty walk in a dead land.

Hades did not capture Persephone. She ran away and fell in love with his pitiful sight. They knew her mother would never approve of it, so they had Apollo tell Demeter that Hades kidnapped her. They knew that Zeus was privy to their secret, but he would not go to Demeter with the truth unless she came first.

I closed my eyes and step forward. When I opened them, I was on top of Mount Olympus, home of the gods. There couldn't have been a better home for a group with such wonderful powers. "Good of you to join us, Aphrodite," Apollo cracked as soon as I arrived.

"Yes, it's nice to see you, too, Apollo, dear."

Zeus, King of all of that was Divine, interrupted the oncoming argument, "Okay. Now, I've called all of you here to help Demeter. She won't come out of her temple. She's been mourning for days and the Earth is falling into a grave of it's own. It's getting worse everyday and even I have to worry if the mortals will last very long."

"I would...uh...be willing to...uh...go and try and free Persephone," I offered.

Apollo chuckled, "My dear Aphrodite. How do you suppose a little thing like you free another from big, mean ol' Hades?" The rest of the gods, except Zeus, laughed.

I smiled and laughed along with them. "Now, Apollo, how do you suppose you're going to get anywhere kissing on that mortal dog of yours?" The others chortled even louder.

"Oooo. Aphrodite, that was low, but not as low in the ground as you're going to be when I get through with you!"

"Try me," I spun around and in an instant, I was in the midst of Hades' domain.

"Where do you think you're going?" I jumped a foot in the air at the sound of Apollo's voice.

"What are you doing?" I shrieked in a quiet whisper as I whirled around and slugged him in the side. "You're going to get me killed!"

"You can't die. I don't want you to," he smiled as we started to head down a long corridor. As we got closer to the main chamber, it got hotter and hotter with every step.

"Are you coming on to me?" I said, teasing him.

"Maybe."

"Well, get off. I'm busy at the moment," I knew it's a harsh thing to say, but I had to reach Hades before Demeter found out that Persephone wasn't kidnapped.

"It's your loss," Apollo disappeared and I was relieved he didn't try to accompany me to Hades' chamber.

"Good riddance," I muttered. My long, white robe flowed against my legs and clung to them with the rising precipitation levels in the air.

"Good evening, my dear, Venus," Hades cried as I finally entered the steaming chamber. I notice that Persephone stood beside him.

"Venus? We're using the names the Romans gave us now, are we, Pluto?" I'm surprised that he called me by that name.

"Yes, Venus. You remember the name the Romans used to call my dear Persephone?" He gestured to the girl, who obviously suffered from heat exhaustion. Her white robe was covered in sweat. It's been a year since she had seen Mount Olympus.

"Proserpina. It's an old name."

"It is," Hades nodded his head in agreement.

"Hades, I-"

"Pluto. Call me Pluto," he interrupted me in mid-sentence.

"Pluto, I didn't come this far to play name games. I want to make a deal," I stated firmly.

"Oh," he sat up in his throne, intrigued. "What kind of a deal?"

I smiled, "You sure you can handle it? Last time I made a deal with you, you almost were consumed by Hydra."

"I can handle it. I heard you were having trouble with Apollo out there, in my hall. I wonder if-"

"Don't even start with that. I'll tell you my deal," I cut him off. He knew that Apollo was after me, just as he was. I couldn’t help it. I was just so damn beautiful.

"Go on."

"Alright. I know about how you and Pers...uh...Proserpina are involved. I'll tell Demeter and then she'll come down here and make sure you never see each other again," I smiled at the thought of my plan.

Persephone looks at me in horror. "You can't tell my mother!"

"I can and I will."

Hades looked perplexed, "Now, what can we do to shift the tables so that they are even?"

"Well, I will let Proserpina return for four months in a year. The other eight she has to spend on Mount Olympus."

He considered the situation for a moment. "Is that all?"

I thought for a moment, "And you have to kill one of the gods so Prometheus can be set free."

"Who shall I kill for you?"

"Shoot someone with a poison arrow. I don't know whom. It could be Zeus for all I care."

"I will make the deal with you on one condition. You must tell me why you want Prometheus set free," he stood from his throne and took Persephone's hand.

"I love the humans and I wanted them to have fire. I told Prometheus to give it to them. It's my fault he is where he is," I bowed my head in momentary shame.

"Oh, I see. I will grant you this deal. Persephone shall go with you now," he lead her over to me just as Hermes appeared.

"Hermes! What brings you to my domain?" Hades was surprised to see the messenger. It had been ten centuries since he last appeared here.

Hermes turned to Hades, " I have been instructed by Zeus to bring Persephone home."

"But Hermes, you’re forgetting the rules. She ate on seed about a day ago. Just a morsel, but she will have to stay with me for four months every year," Hades declared.

"If that is all you demand for her return,” he sighed. “I must leave with her now," he took Persephone by the arm and lead her to a cool vent of air. From there, they disappeared back to Olympus.

"Will I be seeing you soon?" Hades asked me as I turned to leave.

"Hades, I highly doubt it," and with that, I teleported back home. Apollo greeted me when I arrived.

"Dear, Aphrodite. I overheard your little deal with Hades," he smiled and I knew that he planned to use it against me.

"Don't even think about it. I know about your affair with Hera," I smiled as I walk away, looking down upon the darkened clouds of the earth.

Thoughts on Thankfulness

2010-11-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

For two days, I have been trying to write something different than what has been said in reference to this Thanksgiving holiday. The truth is that every moment is profound. Every moment has the potential to change us from the inside out. To go back and think of all of the moments in the past year where something small or large changed us, we could fill a book each. I am thankful for the profoundity of everyday life. That every moment makes a difference.

We can enact a positive change in other people's lives by leading from example. One of the primary motivators to succeed in life was to be able to take care of my immediate family. I got to a place where I could do that, and I began to provide for the family around me. But, I realized that no matter how much I gave to them, they always needed more from life. One day, I said that couldn't give anymore, that I had to take care of myself, that they needed to find away to provide for themselves. And, my family did. They found a way to take care of themselves, too. My journey to success and taking care of myself showed them how to do it, and they followed the examples before them. The journey to provide for themselves changed them. And, for that, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the discipline that keeps the inertia of life at bay, and the ability to continue putting one foot in front of the other, no matter what comes on the path. Everyday presents new challenges and lessons that we have to confront, overcome, and learn from. So, look back to the moments in the last year that changed you, and be thankful for them. There's no reason to live this life on this path if our experiences do not change us.

Beauty in the Eye of the Beholder

2010-11-18T18:23:00.001-08:00

The general consensus among people is that getting old is a bad thing. One of my coworkers is turning 30 soon, and he was getting himself down about it. To be 30, unmarried, and not in the job you desire can be self-oppressing. Then come the visible signs of age.

I have never been one much concerned with my own age. I turned 30 when I was five. Now that I am nearing 30, I feel 20 going on 60. Every line, every scar, and every gray hair is the beginning of a mature woman. I have earned a few, and I am sure to earn more. They are my battle scars of a life well-lived.

In Pagan groups, age is often times considered an indicator of wisdom, though people come to their path at a variety of places in life. Even at 28 and doing what I do everyday, and having been practicing for 11 years, I still look at a people who appear older than me and expect that life experience to translate into what we do as Pagans. This even if they have only been on this path a short while. So I cherish what age appears on my face today as some visible indicator of where I have been.

Here's to getting older as a good thing.

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Coming out or going in the broom closet?

2010-11-16T22:04:00.000-08:00

In the past two weeks, three of my friends have created 2nd Facebook accounts with magickal names for their Pagan activities seperate from their mundane Facebook profiles. This because they work with clients or are hunting for jobs, and it would be a shame if someone decided not to work with them, because they did a quick internet search and found out that one of these people practices Paganism. But, as our community grows in strength, equality, and understanding within mainstream America, I all of a sudden feel like we're sheltering ourselves more.

It's not for the wrong reasons. We never know our clients' or prospective employers' beliefs, and it is more often than not good practice to risk financial security in a tough economy because someone can pseudo-stalk us on the internet. That said, I'm at a point where almost all of my coworkers know about my beliefs, all by accident, but I still wouldn't combine my Facebook profiles. The people I went to high school with or work with at my last few jobs don't want to know all of the stuff the Pagan community is up to. We really are our own subculture. With two Facebook profiles, I can be who I am...two different people.

When are we going to wake up and feel better?

2010-11-07T19:54:00.000-08:00

When are we going to wake up and feel better? That was one of the top questions that a radio DJ found listeners wanted to ask President Obama last week. I could most certainly relate to that question. I am a strong person, and like most of the country, I have been through the ringer these last 12 months. I sometimes feel like I barely made it through this year. I don't know what we had expected President Obama to say, but I wanted to hear his answer to that question. I wanted to hear him say that we would wake up one day and everything was going to feel better.

In the Pagan community, much like the American community, I feel like so many of us have been through the same level of financial ruin, emotional hurt and mental destruction or worse. For much of the last year, it has felt like the community has receded into the darkness. Everyone has crawled back into their caves and barricaded the entrance from the darker things that lay waiting for all of us. We're all just putting one foot in front of the other. And, as Pagans, we're all strong. I can't imagine how those who aren't as strong, or who don't have a strong community to fall back on, are making it through this depressed time in our history. My thoughts were with them yesterday. Blessed be.

We, as Pagans, get through this because we can feel that the divine is within us and all around us. We can feel that we are divine. We step, step, step, because all of the things that we've gone through are just challenges that we knew we'd face. We get angry, sad, and depressed. We don't think we're going to get through them. But, when we dry our eyes, we see the little ledge above to which we can grab on. Sometimes it's hard, but we reach down into the center, down to the place within us that is vibrating with that connection to the divine, and we tap into the power of the universe. Of nature. Of all things. And, we shine.

So, keep shining. One day, you'll wake up, and it will feel better.

Astral Recession

2010-10-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

We have all pretty much dealt with the worst of the economical recession. But, for many of us in the DC, the economy has not been the worst of recent history. Within my own group, and within many groups in the area, a lot of upset has taken place. Those who have psychosocial issues have had those issues come out of the woodwork and cause disruption. Beyond that, our persaonl lives have left most of us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually worn out.

In my recent discussions with Maria Waddy of The Open Hearth Foundation, she commented that Ivo Domingez Jr. talked about two major astrological cardinal crosses and that the challeges for us are only beginning. This is evident in the fact that so many things are aligned, such as the sabbats and the full moons. I have not looked into the cardinal crosses that Ivo was talking about, but really, could that be it?

Whatever has been going on, we have to know that we're not alone. It has helped me to realize that every challenge that knocks me down a peg is not for me alone. It is a part of a larger challenge that we are all going through. I wonder when the end is going to be. I hope that as many of us make it out the other side okay.

Don't Feed the Trolls

2010-10-08T16:17:00.001-07:00

Crazy Man is a troll. Like so many of the trollish people that I have encountered, he loves to create and prolong conflict to make himself look important. My fellow Virgo coworker in transmission had a problem Wednesday night that she documented. Crazy saw the note and penciled in all of these comments that stated he thought that the real problem was that my coworker was incompetent. That is utterly false.

So, again after I leave for the day, she let her ego get the best of her. Licking her wounds, she types up a long response about how she properly troubleshooted the problem. Sure enough, the next day, Crazy had penciled in between her lines, explaning that she was the problem.

I attached a yellow post it that said, "Remember, don't feed the trolls."

My poor friend was beside herself. She couldn't understand why he would blame her for the issue. I said that it was so she would respond, and thus prolong the conflict. So, I let her complain to me, reminding her that if she writes a response, she cannot give it to him.

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Narrator

2010-10-08T12:39:00.000-07:00

If my life was playing out like a documentary, I wonder what the narrator would be forshadowing. Would the story of my life be a comedy, a drama, or a horror film? Would it be an inspiring story about an underdog? Or, would it be satire on the inconsistencies of life?

Who would be my audience? That makes me wonder if my life would be worth watching in the first place. I wonder if my legacy would be interesting to other people. I sure do have some good stories about overcoming challenges. I would most certainly be interested to see the movie of my life. I have heard someone say that your brain records your life like a movie. I am noticing that like a computer, my brain saves what it thinks is important and ditches information that it doesn't think it needs. I often feel like I am sorting through files and papers in my brain, much like I do in real life.

I also wonder how other people's lives would run as movies. We really don't know people, and could you imagine meeting someone and then watching a movie as if someone was showing their documentary?

One Foot in Front of the Other

2010-09-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've used that title before: one foot in front of the other. It's been the theme for 2010.

My DAR friend, the gal with whom there was a fight, she dropped of a new set of books (not sure what happened to my copies) and the keys she had of mine. They were left at the front desk, and my roommate brought them up. I knew something was wrong even before I got home.

I started writing in a blog again, because I wanted to chronicle the many adventures of Crazy and me. However, since the universe brilliantly changed his shift, I hardly see him at all.

There is so much to look forward to: Pagan Pride Day, Pagan community center town halls, taking a few days of vacation with Vinnie, Samhain drumming at the Jefferson Memorial, going home for the holidays, conferences in the winter, and new friends.

I have to mail out cards to my father and grand father.

August Sucks, but my BIRTHDAY is Awesome

2010-09-02T23:23:00.000-07:00

The Firelfy conference ended on the 1st of August. It was not a monumental ending, save the arguements. I was wrestling with the hotel over the bill. Two of my closest coven mates were dealing with an issue that somehow turned into a huge fight that snowballed. They both quit the group, one blaming me for her leaving, which nearly destroyed me. Because of all of the other BS 2010 has shat on me, I didn't hit bottom. I hit a bad place. But, I didn't hit the bottom of the abyss that is my will. I floated somewhere around a low point for several weeks. One of the coven mates will most likely return.

The other coven mate is missing in action. She was my DAR friend, too. But, I suppose that's gone now. I don't think I'll be visiting the Daughters of the American Revolution much, save the conferences. I made a few other friends, and they are big conferences, so maybe I can hide in a vestabule or something. I spent 20 years wanting to be a part of this organization and in a moment I let someone mess it up for me. Or, I messed it up for myself. Whatever.

It was a tradition for 2010 for my two (now fighting) coven members and myself to get together for our respective birthdays. I was there for the duck that gave me the runs. I was there for whatever the heck we ate on the other birthday. I was there for the wine and the hot tub. I was there for the sleep over. I produced awesome birthday gifts that I handmade. And, when it comes time for my birthday, they basically told me to go alone. The hell with people.

That aside, Vinnie (my Italian Stallion) and I had an amazing time on my birthday at Medieval Times. The food was great, the horses were amazing, and the over a presentation left nothing to be desired. In so many ways, I am glad it was jus Vinnie and I. I got to snuggle against him without worrying about company.

And, one of the fighting covenmantes, who had been out of the country for several weeks, emailed me on the way home. I might have started balling. I might have not been able to handle it. The universe is just trying to make sure I learn 10 lifetimes worth of lessons in this one life.

P.S. I love Vinnie.

On Her Deathbed

2010-06-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

It was just before Thanksgiving when she called. My father's mother was on her deathbed. In fact, she had been ill for sometime, but the lung cancer was no surprise. She had smoked for more than 50 years. The family was in disarray, and I had only seen my grandmother two times in the past six years.

Ten years ago, the family had a fall out. Each of my dad and his two brothers swore off my grandparents, who accused my mother of causing trouble. In fact, my dad was a cheating bastard and tried to make my mom feel like she was loosing her mind instead of reveal the truth. In a private dining room at one of our favorite restaurants in Huron, shouting commenced, and Aftan's dad, my father's middle brother, stormed out with his family. It would be six years until I would reconnect with Aftan on Myspace.

I still haven't seen Brooke and Brandon, my other cousins, in ten years.

But, she's on her death bed. I am like her in many ways, and so different in many others. I wonder what her life was like. They never talk about it. There was this dinner at Cracker Barrel in early 2005 where my grandmother was crying about how she missed us. My brother and I said we wanted to be more available. I called a few weeks later to invite them to my graduation. After a dozen phone calls, messages, and house visits, my dad told me the week before to leave them alone because they were ill. I went out of my way to get them tickets to my graduation. I told my mom's mother she couldn't come, and I was going to sneak my brother in with the TV production people. But, I got no answer from my paternal grandparents. They were not coming. I found out later that my grandfather had heart surgery on the day before my college graduation. But, my mom's mom and my brother got to attend without getting black market entrance.

My dad showed up late. He missed my graduation. Aftan's dad told Aftan that it was because his girl friend's daughter (an employee at his BP gas station) didn't show up for work, and my dad had to open the store. He threatened to quit if his manager didn't get someone in there to work. I believed it then. I am not so sure how much I believe of it now.

Funny that four years later Aftan's dad didn't even know about her graduation. When she called to tell him she was moving to China with the Peace Corps for two years, he didn't care to say goodbye. He didn't call her back. It must run through their blood.

Three brothers, each four years apart. A daughter born, a son born three years later. Three years alter, the next brother's daughter and six years later a son. At the same time, the third brother's daughter, and three years later, his son. A strong web of daughters and sons who have had to come through miracles to become who they are.

I am so strong. I am so successful, but she doesn't want to see me. She is dying, and she doesn't want to see me. She asked to see my cousin, because Aftan was leaving for China. She asked to see my brother's baby boy, Isaiah, but my brother refused when his mixed-race wife was refused an invitation. We have all come so far, despite the challenges that laid before us. How dare she refuse my visit. I am her future. I am her mirror. When she is gone, I will be the stronged beacon in the sky. Yes, to refuse me is to refuse death, but why put it off when the darkness and the peace will be so sweet?

When she asks to see me, I will know it is because she is gripping death.

Another Epic Day in a Fated Live

2010-06-26T23:50:00.000-07:00

I met Kalista over her friend's Yahoo group post about trying to find a Pagan library where she could donate her collection of books. I took Kali with me to visit Kalista the next week, as I was just supposed to find her Windows XP CDs for her. After the conversation, we realized that Kalista's timeline was uncertain. It didn't sound like a woman who was in a rush to go. It sounded like a woman who was out of options and met a woman, a minister---me, who might be able to provide the assistance she needed. But, I really couldn't. I could be there to do what small things she needed me to do, be it listening to her fascinating stories, taking care of her things, looking for items in the apartment, trying to help fix her computer, etc. I had to draw my persona line, or else I would loose myself. So, we thought it might be years before she was ready to part with her library. That was always okay. It was never about us acquiring her library, and it has always been about her need to know her things are okay and not in the trash. That is what I could do for her.

I knew what the day meant. It was fated. It was life-changing. The cards had fallen into place so well. I had met Kalista about the library, then the library seemed as if it would never come here. And, the conference was failing and I was broke, so I took on the first person that would sign a lease. If the library was coming soon, I would not have looked for a roomate. Then, something happened to reveal the true nature of someone I would have let move in, and should my new roomie have not swooped in, I would have ended up living with that person. A second disaster averted by roommate. She called Wednesday, stating that the only day she could get movers from home to here was the next day, so we worked it out. Because that just so happened to be the weekend my family was in town, the roommate went to visit friends. But, the day before they arrived, we had our first initiation without the precense of my roommate. It was beautiful in a way that our other rituals were not, and thus, perfect that my roommate came and left...absconding to leave us to our work. Wednesday, Kalista had called and told us to come get the books. So, I rounded up Elphaba and Kali, and we headed up there Saturday. My family, which was supposed to arrive at 3pm, ended up taking their good ol' time leaving, and arrived after we had unloaded the books, eaten a burger and margarita, then watched a light-hearted movie, and then unpacked all of the books.

Everything fell on the timeline as if I had placed it there myself.

The books were magnificent. She had truly spent her short lifetime learning and growing. The subjects ranged from folk and fairy tales of all cultures to spiritualities all over the world. My favorite find was the Hawaiian Oracle Cards, a deck I wished to purchase for myself:

But, there were hundreds of tarot decks and thousands of books. I have no idea where they are all going to go, but the universe most certainly laid out a path. There was meant to be roomate and books, and the adventure is finding out why.

Name Tag Day

2010-06-25T15:48:00.000-07:00

My coworkers had been making fun of it all over Facebook this week. They had been trying to decide what name to write on their name tag. "Should I be Ron Paul?" Or should they be the owner of the company. It was like Halloween, where the name tag was a costume. The purpose was to introduce oneself to the new people, since we just hired a staff of 30 people to develop our new hyper-local news website project. I am not sure if it was a success or not. A newspaper popped up in the middle of these two TV stations a few years ago and I still have only introduced myself to three of those newspaper people. Even within the media, we're all a bunch of elitist snobs. The incentive to participate: one iPad...fancy new $500 computer contraption.

The best part of the day was the stickers. We could use different colored markers and various stickers to mock up our name. Out of a small collection of The Simpsons stickers, I picked Lisa Simpson. She is a brainiac little girl carrying a stack of books in the picture. I heard they were about to give away the iPad, so I called Vinnie and hurried him to get a name tag and raffle ticket, even though he was supposed to be working. When he came back, he showed me his name tag. And, without realizing what my tag looked like, he picked a sticker, too. It was Scratchy from the Simpsons, too! Two love birds!

Janet from accounting, some older woman I never met, won the iPad. I don't even think she knew what it was.

To Jump or Not To Jump?

2010-06-24T23:49:00.000-07:00

When I was doing my occasional tvjobs.com browse of what my future career move could be when I spotted the job of one of my favorite people listed. The weekend producer spot was up for grabs. I had just seen her the day before, and she said nothing about a change. Regardless, I was qualified for the job description they listed. My jump into journalism? Maybe. Maybe not.

I tossed the idea out to Vinnie on an impromptu joint run to Target. I needed a clock, new oven mits, batteries, trash bags, almond extract, and butter. Having such a good, flirty time, I didn't want to take him home, so we got a drink at Capital City Brewery. The margaritas aren't bad, and you get to keep the shakers, which double as an awesome way for me to squeeze fresh fruit juice. Vinnie had been in New Jersey and spent time with lovey-dovey friends. It was one of those nights were I had gotten into the routine of doing my own thing, but now that he was back, I wasn't sure I could go a moment without him.

I was thankful for the distraction from Kalista. My friend was denied for disability, five months behind of rent, and the building management had started throwing her things out. She was at the end of her life and in between a rock and another rock. A soul sister, if I ever met one. Her and I took an instant liking to one another after fate brought us together. It was an email to a Yahoo group about how she wanted to find a library to which to donate her more than 1000 books. I contacted her, because what the hell. It was immediately clear that she loved her collection of books, tarot cards, and magickal tools, and was most concerned that they were not thrown out on the street. She is not able to get up out of bed or move around the apartment that she has lived in for what I think is seven months. I am happy to move anything Kalista wants to give me, with the condition that should she ever find herself in a place that she wants them back, they are hers, and I will bring them right back. What is going to happen to my friend? I don't know, but I will do my best to help as best as I can.

Fated Numbers on Fire

2010-06-23T22:53:00.000-07:00

When we formed, our group did a simple lottery spell as one of many avenues to meet our long-term goals. I have been playing the numbers in several game since. Over the past four months, there have been opportunities to light candles and do small rituals on my own in support of this project. But, the candles always go out on their own. A few weeks ago, the wind blow the entire working over, and we haven't recovered some of the numbers yet. Lottery tickets from the last year were all over the floor. I wondered if this meant I should give up on the project or if our numbers were wrong. On this night, there was a flaming sign from the divine.

I lit a prosperity candle I made and left it on top of all of the lottery tickets we keep on the altar. This time, the homemade candle ended up causing a ruckus. I was watching TV when the fire alarm when off. I realized immediately that it had to be the candle. I ran into the sanctuary to find a flame engulfing the tickets on the altar. In shock, I doubled back quickly, but skidded and scraped my knee on the carpet. I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a glass from the cupboard, filled it with water, and tossed it on the fire. It doused the front of the altar, and I could see that wax had melted over quarter of the altar.

The damage was minimal, considering the possibility. Had the fire alarm not gone off, it would have been worse. One of the two candle holders containing the spell had shattered under the heat of the flame. All of my altar tools had escaped unscathed. The spell and flame was located on top of my wooden altar pentacle. It had been handmade by a now-deceased coven mate of mine ten years ago. It just had a little wax on it, but what doesn't have a little wax on it in that room?

The lottery tickets were completely damaged. The $12 in multi-draw tickets for three games that I just bought today were null. Charred. Black. Nothing. Thank goodness they didn't win tonight. Well, in that case, I might have blown out the candle and gone out for some champange.

I shuffled and pulled a tarot card out of my deck: The Fool. It just confirmed my feeling about the numbers. Five people have left or been asked to leave since we pulled those numbers. It is time to pull new numbers.

I guess the Universe just had to smack me on the head or light me on fire. I need to pay more attention.

Warrior of Life

2010-06-23T10:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in yoga class, I was having trouble focusing in this balance pose. Then, I thought to myself that a yoga warrior could do it with no problem. Nerves of steel. So, I just did it. I became a m*%$*# f*($*#@$, bad ass yoga warrior and I found my mountain pose with my one leg as a table for my ankle, bent over, with my hands telling everyone namaste. Yes, the divine within me honors the divine with in you. Divas.

This morning, I had to choose between Coffee and Coaching, a meetup group where we talk about where we want to go and enable each other to get there, and going to my favorite yoga class of the week. I have decided to trade off to do one every other week. I met them at Busboys and Poets in Shirlington. The abundance just flows from us into the group. I cannot believe that I have met such a wonderful group of people I love hearing about their endeavors, sharing mine, giving feedback, and getting feedback. Last time I showed up, we talked about putting together a letter asking for donations to cover the cost of the conference. And this one gal put together a list of ideas for raising money for us to meet our long-term goals. This time we hashed through and revised that letter. I am going to send it out today.

One of the other gals brought in Crazy Horse, because we all need to remember to take the time to laugh once in awhile (scroll down and mouse over Crazy Horse)
http://www.familycenteronline.com/Just-For-Laughs-Plush-Toys-and-Keychains-sp-9.html

I always feel like I am on top of the world and can do anything when I venture back out into the world after these meetings.

When I left the Coffee and Coaching meetup, I passed by a Vietnamese restaurant that had closed down about a year ago. There was a building permit sign in the window, which is a hopeful sign. It reminded me of my hopes for space, and how I always think about how it would be great if we could have whatever space for rent I see. I then remembered the space for rent in the North building of my complex that I pass by every time I walk home from my parking spot. I thought several times about inquiring, though I really spent most of my time fantasizing about our sign in the window. But, I don't know where anyone would park, as it would be the same parking situation we have now, which is get-it-if-you-can. A few weeks ago, I saw a building permit in that window, and it made me sad and happy. The MOECA Prep school is taking that space, which happens to be a Christian school. Not only is a school going where I would have liked my school-like endeavors to flourish, but a religious school! *Sigh* the way the Universe ebbs and flows.

I called the hotel about the conference, because all her emails have been so non-descriptive. They make me feel hopeful, but with a thousand of the same questions. She said that we weren't liable for the rooms, and that if they are not reserved by July 7th, they are just released. However, I am not entirely sure that this will be the case, as I thought I read the contract correctly. Either way, we are still $3500 short of our goal.

But, at the meetup today, we talked about how the answer often appears when we are not looking. The source of the money isn't always where we expect it, and our expectations sometimes can limit our ability to allow the abundace to come to us. We can narrow our scope too much if we force our path to fit into our box. We have to trust that the Universe will provide, that there is a plan, and our paths will ebb and flow appropriately. There is also patience involved, as it is not always easy to sit and wait, not knowing how the cards will fall.

Complacency

2010-06-22T16:08:00.000-07:00

I have fought every step of the way. I am bred for success, but somehow, it is always just out of reach. Every step is a new challenge, a new fight. I think that I do it to myself. I think that it's just the way I operate. I can see where the choices I have made lead me to these hard places. But, I do so well, I try so hard. When I slack off for just a moment, when I make just a slightly different choice, when I try to do good in this world instead of sit on my ass, that is when my life becomes harder.

I often think about what successfull people have had to struggle against. Is this just the way it is? Is it this hard for everyone that becomes successful at what they do? Or, is this just me? Do I need to change? Or am I on the right track?

Moving the Hell Forward

2010-06-22T05:14:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I even surprise myself. I thought that I had ruined today and that it would start out as a disaster. I went to bed completely too late to attempt to make the 6am yoga class. I had a little too much to drink as I was having a mid-twenties crisis and went to bed too late to even think about working out before 8:30am coffee with LaVada, one of my Firefly Priestesses. But, things in my body wouldn't stop moving, and I was staring at the wall at 5:28am. I thought about going back to sleep and what that hour would mean. It wouldn't mean anything. But, at 5:29am, I could drag my ass out of bed and make that 6am yoga class. So, I did. It was well-worth the effort, though things in my body were still moving during class. I had to run out at one point, and I thought about just quitting all together, but I stuck it out. Then, I hit the stationary bike for 30 minutes before driving down to pick up my friend.

Prior to hitting the road, I needed to pick up something at the store, so I strolled a couple of blocks. On the way, I passed a little paper shop, a bakery, a hair salon, and a clothing store. The mini wrought iron dresses that lined the clothing store were adorable. I thought about how nice it would be to own my own successful business, to have a little shop in a nice town. That went right along with what became last night's obsession: the possibility of a second career.

The thought started yesterday. I am only 27 years old...will be 28 in a couple of months My Virgo NTCR counterpart (there are a total of 6 of us who work in here, but only three of us full time) and I looked it up on the Social Security Administration website the other day. If I worked for 40 more years, I would just qualify to retire. Forty years? FORTY YEARS? I have already been working in television for seven years with four of those seven years being here. Could I really stand for forty more years doing this? And, how will the business change? It has already move light years away from the business I started in. When Crazy and some of the other older technicians started, they were on elaborte film crews. Now, film is just for expensive movies. But where will the business as I know it be in ten years? In twenty? They are cutting people left and right in the television industry. And, the ministry I have been building for two years isn't at all self-sufficient yet. So, I am at the realization that might have to pursue another career.

LaVada and I meet every Tuesday for coffee and to chat. While at Starbucks, LaVada gets her usual nine-pump venti iced soy chai latte and something sweet. I order the oatmeal and try to get something highly caffinated that I can finish. I used to drink two venti double shots on ice (five shots of espresso) per day. I cut one out, then then other, switched to organic energy drinks, and now I'm on the homemade green tea. The tall and grande double shots on ice just don't taste the same, but the large ones are starting to eat through my stomach. Today, I try a one-pump tall iced soy latte with an extra shot of espresso. Perfecto!

We take up the two large leather chairs by the window with a table in between. Lately, LaVada has been working on her Firefly Clergy coursework. Last week, we etched out a ritual for a handfasting or wedding. This week, I looked over her homework and gave her some feedback. Then, we went over the next ritual she needed to write, which would be a croning ritual to mark her transition into her sage years. She is making splendid progress, and I am very proud of her.

It is her goal to be a member of the Coven of the Spiral Moon, the Firefly coven I began in Arlington, VA last year. However, the last ten years have not exactly been kind to her, as mental and physical health issues have driven her life. While I value her friendship, and she is a priestess in my tradition through online study, the coven life is intense. It requires regular attendance, leadership, independence, self-responsibility, writing and leading rituals, writing invocations and dismissals, continued study, the ability to grow and push the group into new heights, the ability to deal with large amounts of people, large amounts of energy, and more. These are all aspects of group work that my friend is not able to wrangle at the moment. So, we made a list of milestones in her healing that need to happen before she could ever become a member. The largest aspect needs to be the transformation from needing care to the ability to be independent, maybe even to the point where the thought of getting a job could be a reality. She has really come far, and I am very proud of her. If she will get to the point in her life that she can regain control enough to join a coven, it would be amazing. Only time will tell if the wounds can heal. Regardless, she is in more control today than she has been in ten years. And that's magick enough.

On the way home, I stop by Whole Foods to pick up some organic strawberries and whole wheat pita bread for my vegan chicken salad. I have cucumbers, carrots and avocados at home that I have to eat today. I really need to recommit to my positive eating. For the past week, my boyfriend and I have been eating out a lot. And, the stress from trying to find a roommate last week really piled up, and I wasn't able to make it to the gym very much. I have already been for two hours this week, thank goodness.

At home, I hurried to clean up and make guacamole for today. I always like to snack on things at work. Apples, strawberries, guacamole, dark chocolate...mmmm! It was my hope while getting ready that Crazy isn't so crazy today.

In fact, he mumble some things at me that I couldn't remember and left. I spent time looking for our television remote, because I was sure he took it with him on purpose, but it was just hidden behind one of the room's six phones. There are nearly 20 phone lines that run into this room with all of the live shots we talk to. It is truly a hub.

But, that's life. We are a mechanism for the movement of energy. It flows through us and around us. We can choose to be aware of it, or choose to float along in ignorance. In a book titled Cybergrace about the search for the divine in the digital age, the author cited quantum theories that hold that all matter and energy is just a serious of energetic reactions and interactions. It flows along in patterns of familiarity. Thus, the digital world, the physical world, and the divine world are all connected whether we like to realize it or not.

More of Crazy

2010-06-16T15:30:00.000-07:00

On Wednesday, I arrived at 11:31am. When I walked into NTCR, the Crazy Old Man said hello. I set my things down, and without saying a word or making eye contact, I went to check my schedule on my boss' office. I was determined not to speak to Crazy that day, because I will not be the person who is walked all over. That man mentally abuses the entire staff, and just acts like we are supposed to accept it, and acts like it is supposed to be okay.

I picked up a vacation request sheet on the way back and filled it out in NTCR. As I was entering the fish bowl, my crazy coworker went to leave. I filled out my vacation request and Crazy came back. When I got up to leave, he started telling me about the Capitol Hill reporter's record requests (which are in the log for everyone to see, and which need no further explanation from him, because I am an intelligent person who has done this job for several years). Instead of stand there and let him read me the entire log from his lying, sabotaging, crazy point of view, which he does everyday for the entire time he is there with me, I just left the room to submit my vacation request.

When I came back just a moment later, Crazy was standing behind the assignment desk, looking around, then went back into NTCR. I grabbed my check off of the assignment desk, and went back into NTCR. One of the managers that is not directly above us entered the room to test something in the back row. I put my check in my purse and sat down on the microwave side of the room. Crazy started going on again about the Capitol Hill reporter's request, and how it had to be addressed right now. I looked at my online feed request log to see that it had 20 minutes before the event was scheduled, and since it was scheduled at noon, it was not of Crazy's concern. He asked if I cared that it needed immediate attention. I said, "No," to indicate that I was displeased with his behavior.

Most of what we do does not require a team effort. He did not need my consultation to complete the job. He also did not need my response to just drop it. His mannerisms are crafted at time to require people to respond, to unnecessarily expell energy that could be better spent. So, after his daily ridiculous behavior and yesterday's unjustified blow up, I decided that I would no longer be speaking to him or accept the fact that he has to talk the entire time he is in the room. Well, he stormed out of the room and went right to our manager's office.

After the news, my boss addressed the situation. While I am not a fan of some of her other skills, her conflict mediation skills are not bad. I know she doesn't like to deal with conflict. She just wants the kids to play nice and get along. And, because everyone knows the fool is crazy, I never went to speak with her. I didn't want to be the problem. However, the lying bastard told her that I was creating a problem, because I said I was going to HR. He also told her the issue was that when I come in, I change everything he set up for the noon show, so he needs instructions on what he is responsible for when I come in. I was shocked. What a damn liar.

I told her his duties after I arrive are simple:

1. Don't talk to me.
2. Get out of the room.

She said that Crazy's complaint was also that he had to be able to communicate with me, and he couldn't do his job if I wouldn't talk to him. I responded that I never talk to him. I always ignore him. Yes, I do need him to tell me what information is not written down that is going on, but he lies about what he knows, doesn't tell me what I need to know, and often tells me the wrong information about what he does know. So, he will never have anything to say that I need to know.

She said that she needed something from me to tell him that was his responsibility. I said that he could tell me what is not written down that I need to know, but not what I could read for myself. My boss seems satisfied with that.

However, the next day, Crazy was right back to reading me lies that I could read the truth for myself.

Crazy Old Man

2010-06-15T12:16:00.000-07:00

Today was a Tuesday. I arrived to work at 11:48am, purposefully 18 minutes late. When I walked into my domain, the News Transmission Control Room (NTCR), this crazy old coworker of mine was cursing about his workload brought on because of our Capitol Hill reporter's request to roll on President Obama's speech. He was changing the start time of the server record to accomodate an oil executives feed about the oil spill that had become longer that expected. You know, those Capitol Hill people just ramble on all day. This coworker, whose shift overlaps mine by thirty minutes, is often cursing or complaining about something, so I try not to respond. I attempt to ignore his talking and questions, because it takes a great deal of energy and restraint to be in the same room with this man for an extended amount of time.

There are four stations in this fish bowl of a room. Two in the back row for managers and two in the front row for broadcast technicians. The room is spilt between micorwave feeds and live shots on the left and satellite and fiber feeds and live shots on the right side. One set of windows allows the desk to peer in and us to peer out, and another set of windows on the other side of the room looks into the sales office. Well, it looks over some cabinets. And, those windows were tinted a few years ago after someone on the cleaning crew would not stop creepily staring at me while I worked.

This day, I sat down in the front row position farthest from the door. My coworker turned to on the microwave side of the room to enter the feed he was working on into the edit log. The phone next to him rang. It was the Bat Phone, that is, the direct line to the other stations in the city. Since crazy dude was considerably closer, he picked up the phone. It was a technician from NBC Washington calling to check their fiber line into our station. I am not sure what the person on the other line said, but my coworker started yelling at her, telling her that he didn't know if this was NBC network, Washington, or MSNBC, and told them he didn't have time to deal with it. He then handed the phone off to me. I checked the line she was calling to check, which they were not able to work at the time, and the gal on the phone said that she would call me back.

It was then that one of our reporters called from the newsroom flash camera to see if we were recording for a looklive for one of the shows. I told her we were recording and that she could start her looklive. I started to write her looklive in the edit log, but stopped, because the thorn in my side (my coworker) said he was not finished writing in what he started. Some of our other coworkers and I would sometimes discuss how this particular coworker was a drama queen, often did things just to make us upset, and sometimes did things to sabotage us.

Then, the direct line from NBC rang again, and I picked up the phone this time. The gal tried to switch her output into the fiber line a few more times. During that time I was on the phone with NBC, a sometimes flighty news video editor called at 11:53am to ask where we were rolling on the reporter's looklive, because he had to edit it onto her piece for the start of the noon show, which was in 7 minutes. This crazy NTCR coworker yelled at the editor, and told him he had no right to call here to ask for that information, then he slammed the phone down. I told my coworker that the editor called, because I wasn't able to put all of reporter's information in the log yet (because I was waiting from him to finish taking his sweet time doing what he had to do).

I took a deep breath, and just needed to get him out of the room, because he was not completely stable. I commented calmly and politely taht he seemed stressed and that he should take a breather. That set him off. He started yelling at me, because I told him to take a breather. The phone rang again, and this time, it was the Capitol Hill reporter, asking where the rest of his oil executives hearing feed went. I looked at the monitor that displayed where we were recording vidoe, then told the Capitol Hill reporter where we continued to roll on it. He said, "You are the best." I told him that I didn't do it, was my crazy coworker that saved his feed, hoping that the recognition of his foresight would make the man feel better. The reporter then said to, "tell him that he is a sweetheart." Well, all this guy heard was that I told reporter that he did something, and thought I was placing blame. This guy lost it, started yelling even more, and said he was going to human resources. I explained the entire conversation that I had with the Capitol Hill reporter, but he didn't believe me. He kept accusing me of malicious intent. So I told him to go to HR, and that I was sick of coming here everyday into the messes that he creates for himself. He stormed out, walked around the newsroom for a few minutes, then went into our manager's office to complain about how rotten I had been.

There was a time not so long ago that I would spend four hours for two work days with him. I used to dread coming into work, because he acts like a psychic vampire and a troll. He sucks all of this energy from the people around him, and creates conflict to make himself seem important as the result of low self-esteem. One day, I came to work to find a schedule shake up. They moved me into his prime shift, and the crazy dude got shoved intot he 4am to noon slot. Yes, he did spend several weeks of accusing me of sabotoging him. Now, I spend fifteen to thirty minutes with him five days per week. I come in late on purpose, thinking that either i'll spend less time with him, or he will just leave when I arrive. Well, he manages to cram four hours of crazy into those few minutes. For a couple of months before I moved, I made a bracelet of pearl and onyx to ward off psychic attack. Apparently it worked by minimizing my contact with him.

In my world, the way we deal with trolls, antagonists, and drama queens is to get rid of them. They are unhealthy and will always create more conflict. However, this troll has been with the company for more than 30 years. All staff members dread interacting with him. No one wants to deal with him. My theory is that along with an antagonistic obsession driven by low self-esteem, this man likely has the beginnings of Alzheimers/Dementia, as well as feel the need to sabotage other people to get ahead. They won't just fire him, for a myriad of reasons. The union was strong when he was hired, and with his years of service, the blind union would probably fight for him. Additionally, he sued the company when they dropped his disabled son from the company health plan when he aged out. It cost my crazy coworker 1/4 of a million dollars to win the lawsuit, but he did. So, the company is not likely to fire someone who isn't afraid to hire a lawyer.

This is just a standard day in my world.